A Beginner’s Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death by Dr. BJ Miller (PDF)

Description

“A gentle, knowledgeable guide to a fate we all share” (The Washington Post): the first and only all-encompassing action plan for the end of life. “There is nothing wrong with you for dying,” hospice physician B.J. Miller and journalist and caregiver Shoshana Berger write in A Beginner’s Guide to the End. “Our ultimate purpose here isn’t so much to help you die as it is to free up as much life as possible until you do.” Theirs is a clear-eyed and big-hearted action plan for approaching the end of life, written to help readers feel more in control of an experience that so often seems anything but controllable. Their book offers everything from step-by-step instructions for how to do your paperwork and navigate the healthcare system to answers to questions you might be afraid to ask your doctor, like whether or not sex is still okay when you’re sick. Get advice for how to break the news to your employer, whether to share old secrets with your family, how to face friends who might not be as empathetic as you’d hoped, and how to talk to your children about your will. (Don’t worry: if anyone gets snippy, it’ll likely be their spouses, not them.) There are also lessons for survivors, like how to shut down a loved one’s social media accounts, clean out the house, and write a great eulogy. An honest, surprising, and detail-oriented guide to the most universal of all experiences, A Beginner’s Guide to the End is “a book that every family should have, the equivalent of Dr. Spock but for this other phase of life” (New York Times bestselling author Dr. Abraham Verghese).

User’s Reviews

Editorial Reviews: Review “The combined wisdom of a legendary hospice physician together with a journalist and experienced caregiver makes this book feel like a loving friend who is by our side with practical advice on the medical, legal, logistical, and emotional aspects of an event that awaits us all. This is a book that every family should have, the equivalent of Dr. Spock but for this other phase of life.” — Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone “A Beginner’s Guide to the End is honest, funny, luminous, and essential. Full of real-world advice and hard-won insight, it’s a practical guide to dying that is actually much more about living.” — Lucy Kalanithi, author of the epilogue to When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi“A gentle, knowledgeable guide to a fate we all share.” — The Washington Post“Miller and Berger, through their honesty and deep experience, help us to live the best life possible with a serious illness. This is a beautiful, poignant, expert, and human handbook for all of us.” — Susan Block, MD, Professor of Psychiatry and Medicine, Harvard Medical School“I wish I’d had this book when I needed it. Death and dying are not subjects that many people are comfortable talking about, but it’s hugely important to be as prepared as you can be—emotionally, physically, practically, financially, and spiritually. This book may be the most important guide you could have.” — Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic and Eat Pray Love“‘You know what would be fun today? Reading a book about death,’ said no one ever. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened these pages and found myself smiling on the first one. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger have done something impressive: they’re written a book about dying that’s not only moving and practical, but also delightful to read.” — Adam Grant, co-author of Option B and author of Give and Take and Originals“When it comes to the final journey, we are all beginners. Navigating the complexities of serious illness requires grace and grit. With elegant simplicity and tender, earthy honesty, this beginner’s guide explains how to prepare, what possible routes you might take, mis-turns to avoid, and the beauty you might see along the way.” — Ira Byock, MD, Founder & Chief Medical Director, Institute for Human Caring“There are many times in my personal life and my medical education when I could have used this book. In their clear and compelling guide, Miller and Berger help us understand how to approach one of the most important but least understood phases of our life. Their honest reflections and sharp insights will change lives for the better.” — Vivek Murthy, MD, former Surgeon General of the United States“If you are sure you would never read a book about how to face death, especially long before you need it, A Beginner’s Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death just might convince you it wouldn’t be bad to have on the shelf… The book blends practical information with compassionate advice for facing our own death or the death of a loved one.” — Next Avenue About the Author BJ Miller, MD, is a hospice and palliative medicine physician who has worked in many settings—inpatient, outpatient, hospice facility, and home—and now sees patients and families at the UCSF Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center. Miller speaks all over the country and beyond on the theme of living well in the face of death. He has been profiled in The New York Times and interviewed by Oprah Winfrey, Tim Ferriss, and Krista Tippett.Shoshana Berger is the editorial director at IDEO, where she has worked on projects ranging from the end of life to modern Judaism to school lunch. She was a senior editor at WIRED, and has written for the New York Times, Fast Company, Time, WIRED, Popular Science, Marie Claire, and Quartz. She cofounded the DIY design magazine, ReadyMade, later turning it into a book, Ready Made: How to Make (Almost) Everything. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. A Beginner’s Guide to the End Read more

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐After hearing a very thoughtful and insightful conversation with the authors on Sam Harris’ “Making Sense” podcast, I ordered the book and found it a mostly excellent & informative read. I would’ve given it a full five stars if not for some of the disappointing recommendations in their chapter on symptoms, where mixed in with many science-based treatments, they also recommend “snake oil” treatments, such as homeopathy, reiki, and acupuncture, that have no scientific/physical basis for efficacy, beyond possibly placebo effects. This one chapter reduced the credibility of an otherwise excellent book. I would still recommend the book nonetheless.

⭐How does this book resonate? I can’t even count the ways. For me, BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger have woven a kind of shroud for the living – a lovely, pieced “cover so as to protect” (from shroud’s Middle English root). They have covered the range of practical, emotional, spiritual and physiological guidance in preparing for our own end, and that of those we love. From large questions to ask about our own care plan, to specific spices and herbs to deal with taste changes with illness, to the range of natural reactions within the geography of grief, I found myself nodding, weeping, smiling, nodding. From their quilt of stories, I found myself wrapped in remembering those I’ve lost, some with time to prepare, others too suddenly. How helpful this protective cover would have been for my sister-in-law as she reckoned with leaving three young girls and my brother? For my friend and classmate at VCFA, a caregiver to his mother who absorbed that toll and died first? For my young patient-students and their families in a children’s hospital? How grateful, years later, to be reminded how my stepfather willed himself to wait until a bed opened up at the hospice center, days past his active dying began? (He didn’t want to die in the bed our mother would be sleeping in.) People and memories cascaded throughout as I read, and I’m so grateful for this book’s careful, generous spirit, to allow those resonant gifts.I also found myself compelled to action. Why do I have all this crap in my house that I’ll “use someday”? Why haven’t I done more than prepare an advanced directive, like write a will by now, for Pete’s (and my siblings’) sake? (Finally called HR this morning about the ‘legal advice’ elective benefit I’ve been paying for so long.) How do I imagine my remains to be most useful, somehow, after I’m gone? (Biodegrading in a simple sack – where? – or mixed into concrete as a coral habitat in international waters, like a friend’s brother did, or spread over special soil, like the ‘cindres’ of my friend’s mother, that we cast over her childhood home in southern France? How long might I have to figure that one out?)And there’s the rub, the “bumping up against what [we] can’t necessarily command or comprehend,” as the authors say. Regardless, now we have the breathable, strong fabric of this book, all the insight and comprehension its authors share. It’s one of those books I’ll reread over time as I try to make the most of living at all. And I’ve found a book to give everyone I love, to pass on its protective layer, toward, as Browning put it, “the ends of being and ideal grace.”

⭐This book was practical and had an easy way of discussing a very difficult topic. I picked this up on a family members bookshelf and started reading and I had wished I had it through my fathers illness. I now share it with lots of friends who have elderly or terminally I’ll family or friends. It has brought me a lot of comfort.

⭐Never imagined a book on this subject could be written so simply and clearly with an enormous amount of useful information! I’ve had five surgeries that each required three nights in the hospital and I wish I’d had the chapter on “Hospital Hacks” years ago. When you’re sick, you’re entering a foreign land – language, procedures, rules, and reasoning are strange and off-putting to you. But all that stuff is entirely routine for the professionals. They do it every day of their working life. This book has practical, straight-forward advice for bridging that gap.

⭐It’s a good book, well written. The problem is all the descriptions I’ve read make this book sound like it offers some “how to,” step-by-step advice or helpful hints. It doesn’t. It’s more of a therapy book. I was looking for one with a LOT on the details of planning, sorting, how to assign titles, assign contingent beneficiaries, etc. This is a great book, but it’s of very little help with the more intricate details of death planning. Still pretty good – a 4 even though it wasn’t what I was looking for.

⭐I’m a huge Dr BJ Miller fan – he is a super hero. He shares his wonderful and deep love and wisdom here along with his amazing co-author. A must read for all chaplaincy, ministers and families!

⭐This book.First, of all, authors BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger thought of everything when they created this book, “A Beginners Guide To The End”. The font is larger than average to accommodate our aging eyes. The tone for the book is casual with both authors talking directly to the reader. There are so many stories shared as examples, many taken directly from the author’s own personal experiences within their personal lives. Playfulness and humor is sprinkled through out the book which is not easy, but is so needed when working with such a taboo and difficult subject. This really and truly is a practical guide that walks you through the nitty gritty elements of aging and preparing for your final years.“One mess that will keep on messing with your survivors has to do with billing accounts….It can take years to resolve it all. Really. Think of every frustrating call you’ve had with your cell provider, and then multiply it by ten, and you’ll get an idea.By calling these companies now and adding your partner to the account as a joint owner, you can make sure he or she will be feeling relieve instead of exasperation.”I have been taking A Beginners Guide to the End to the beach and reading it in between playing in the waves with my family. It is not meant to be read in a dark room with a heavy heart. This is real advice given in a concise and playful manner.

⭐I bought this to help me to help my parents transition to hospice care. Gave me a better understanding about what was coming and questions my parents might have so I was much better prepared to help them cope and understand what was happening and what we all need to get organised.

⭐Really good read very insightful

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