A Fragile Life: Accepting Our Vulnerability by Todd May (PDF)

Description

It is perhaps our noblest cause, and certainly one of our oldest: to end suffering. Think of the Buddha, Chuang Tzu, or Marcus Aurelius: stoically composed figures impervious to the torments of the wider world, living their lives in complete serenity—and teaching us how to do the same. After all, isn’t a life free from suffering the ideal? Isn’t it what so many of us seek? Absolutely not, argues Todd May in this provocative but compassionate book. In a moving examination of life and the trials that beset it, he shows that our fragility, our ability to suffer, is actually one of the most important aspects of our humanity. May starts with a simple but hard truth: suffering is inevitable. At the most basic level, we suffer physically—a sprained ankle or a bad back. But we also suffer insults and indifference. We suffer from overburdened schedules and unforeseen circumstances, from moral dilemmas and emotional heartaches. Even just thinking about our own mortality—the fact that we only live one life—can lead us to tremendous suffering. No wonder philosophies such as Buddhism, Taosim, Stoicism, and even Epicureanism—all of which counsel us to rise above these plights—have had appeal over the centuries. May highlights the tremendous value of these philosophies and the ways they can guide us toward better lives, but he also exposes a major drawback to their tenets: such invulnerability is too emotionally disengaged from the world, leading us to place too great a distance between ourselves and our experience. Rather than seeking absolute immunity, he argues most of us just want to hurt less and learn how to embrace and accept what suffering we do endure in a meaningful way. Offering a guide on how to positively engage suffering, May ultimately lays out a new way of thinking about how we exist in the world, one that reassures us that our suffering, rather than a failure of physical or psychological resilience, is a powerful and essential part of life itself.

User’s Reviews

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐This book is a terrific combination of clear writing and stimulating thought. The author interprets the philosophies of stoicism, Buddhism, and Taoism as aiming at a state of invulnerability. However, would we want to achieve such invulnerability? The author explains why he would not: It might be desirable to achieve a state of invulnerability with regard to small matters like being late to a meeting or having computer problems. But when it comes to large matters like politics, death, failure, and loss it is better to be emotionally vulnerable. I think that more could have been said about the difficulty of achieving invulnerability. To me, invulnerability seems like more of an aspirational goal rather than a reality that anyone is likely to achieve. All in all, a great read.

⭐I have studied in depth buddhism, taoism, and stoicism…..Todd May presents a priceless synthesis of the essence of these traditions, and his own synthesis for how to live with human vulnerability…I very much agree with his conclusions…and hail his original analysis!

⭐In this book Todd May delves deeply into a problem that would not trouble most people. The author himself acknowledges that very few people would even consider viewing invulnerability, as he defines it, as a model for human life. Few of us, to use an example discussed in the book, when learning of the death of our son, would calmly say “I always knew that he,was mortal.” Nor would we view that reaction as something to admire or to strive for.The practical wisdom of this book can be fairly summarized as “Don’t sweat the small stuff, but some stuff is big and it is okay to sweat that.”

⭐I found this book a waste of time, but acknowledge that it could be useful to some people want and need to intellectualize about vulnerability rather than learn how to be with and deal with vulnerable feelings as they happen.In my experience, as a person with a high degree of sensitivity and frequent often deep feelings of vulnerability – and also having about 25 years experience as a psychotherapist – I find it essential to be with one’s feelings in one’s body (especially in one’s heart) and to learn to soothe them with a very delicate tenderness. The process is akin to responding to a wounded animal or infant. And one learns to go through the feelings and emerge on the other side of them rather than either shut them down or mentally distance.I was hoping that this book would further my own experience in dealing effectively with vulnerable feelings. But the author doesn’t appear to address the feeling experience at all (granted, I only read half the book – but I don’t know what vulnerability is if it’s not a feeling), but is rather standing at a distance from it and philosophizing. Yes, he is a philosopher, so that’s understandable. Perhaps one needs a very poetic sensibility and writing style to help readers attune to their vulnerable feelings and establish a healthier relationship to that part of themselves.Some people tend to intellectualize and need to directly be with. deepen and “work with” their feelings. Others tend to get lost in or mired in feelings and need to stand back, distance, and develop new modes of thinking. I am more of the former, but acknowledge that many people are more of the latter. These people most benefit from cognitive therapy and may find the most value in philosophical self-help books.For these people, this may be a 4 star book. For me, it’s a 2 star book. So I compromise and give it 3 stars.

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