Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert (PDF)

Description

Effectively sentenced to wed in order to live in America with her Brazilian-born partner (both were survivors of horrific divorces)‚ Elizabeth Gilbert tackled her fears of marriage by trying with all her might to discover through historical research‚ interviews‚ and much personal reflection what this stubbornly enduring old institution actually is. In Committed she attempts‚ with wit‚ intelligence and compassion‚ to “turn on all the lights” when it comes to matrimony

User’s Reviews

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐I first added this book to my to-read list in April 2012. I didn’t actually pick it up until December 2013, and I am very glad I waited until then. You see, on November 29, 2013, my boyfriend proposed to me. Having just accepted his proposal made me an unusually receptive audience for this book.This book ignited numerous conversations between me and my fiance. We talked about how to behave in such a way that reduces the risk of temptation from others, how to split household chores and incomes in such a way to increase our happiness and chances of success and stability, how we would balance our careers with the demands of a newborn. We talked about what marriage meant to different people, and how it varied depending on a person’s culture and value system. I read the whole passage on the profile of what couple was statistically least and most likely to divorce.That is why I gave this book five stars. It made me ponder my own situation and discuss it with my partner, and while it certainly isn’t a primer on marriage, it made me feel like I have a better idea of what I’m getting myself into and the things to watch out for.While I read the majority of this book silently to myself, there were passages that I read aloud to my fiance, and, if I asked nicely, he sometimes agreed to read it out loud to me. When he was reading, I sometimes got confused between the words Gilbert had written down and occasional commentary of his own, because Gilbert writes in such a conversational tone! Not sure if everyone likes that, but I did. Since sizable chunks of this book were essentially research findings, her conversational tone made the book much more readable.I also really admired her ability to be so forthcoming with her own faults. She even goes so far as to list her top five biggest personality flaws! She is very intimate with her reader audience. Not only do I greatly respect that, but I think it encourages the reader to take a very honest look at him or herself as well. It certainly inspired me to do so: I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my fiance where we both discussed our flaws and shortcomings, and how to overcome them as a couple.The ending of her book kind of made me roll my eyes, because after chapters and chapters of her going into all her misgivings about marriage, she included a final chapter that expounds on one small thought on marriage that she found encouraging. She seemed to be trying to end on a positive note, but it just seemed like she was grasping at straws. And right when I was literally, physically rolling my eyes, I read this line “Do I sound like I’m trying to talk myself into something here? People, I am trying to talk myself into something here.”Which, by the way, brings me to an interesting side note: While the book is listed on Goodreads with the subtitle “A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage,” the book I bought from Amazon had the subtitle “A Love Story” (and a much uglier cover). I believe the subtitle was changed for later versions of this book, because the original one wasn’t entirely accurate. I certainly would not go so far as to say that Elizabeth Gilbert had made peace with the institution by the end of the book. On the other hand, this book is much more than a simple love story, as this book explores marriage across cultures and history, rather than focusing only on a single story.Gilbert’s ultimate conclusion is not one of sunshine and roses, it’s a much more subdued conclusion that marriage can be terribly risky and involves a great deal of sacrifice, but sometimes, it’s your best option. If that sounds like a crappy book to you, you probably shouldn’t read this. But if you’re open to hearing why marriage can be disadvantageous to a woman, why getting married for love instantly makes your marriage more likely to fail, and what warning signs to watch out for, then you’ll get something out of this book. Personally, I suspect that the information I have imbibed from this book will influence my thoughts and actions for years to come.

⭐I chose this book really to satisfy my own curiosity of how things worked out with the Brazilian guy. My inner Nosy Nelly tagged along for the journey through matrimonial history. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is considering marriage, is married or is divorced. I enjoyed learning about the history of marriage, the good and the bad, the fight for right to marry or not to marry and what marriage is in various parts of the world. I invite any prospective readers to take the plunge, satisfy your curiosities – travel through time and around the world with Liz as your witty and dizzying tour guide. You will laugh and, hand to heart, you will feel actual feelings!

⭐And guess what? That doesn’t make it a poor book only a different one. Can everyone who read Eat, Pray, Love and are considering reading this one please understand this one point? Look, if you’re anything like me and love books you’ll invariably find authors every once in awhile that resonate or appeal to you. Very often when this happens I’m apt to look a little more into their background to find out where they’re coming from. This is always an interesting exercise and in the case of Miss Gilbert her background as a magazine writer, mostly for men’s magazines informs her style. Thus Last American Man was written very much as a reportage of what she saw. Eat, Pray, Love recounted her adventures in finding herself after a difficult relationship and divorce. For those expecting another such book I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect Miss Gilbert to be revisiting something she’s presumably resolved.Committed is the natural extension of this journey as she finds a man, falls in love and begins quite naturally to question all that we as a culture heap on the concept of marriage and being committed.Having reached middle age and lived her life up to this point largely as a single woman she brings to the examination a more mature and balanced viewpoint than is currently popular in so many reality shows which continue to belabor the old canard of a “fairy tale romance”. Not that these don’t exist but romance and marriage just like infatuation and love are all very different things and Miss Gilbert deftly addresses these along with many of the cultural trappings that surround the institution of marriage. Hers is a fairly thorough but never tedious overview of how different cultures define male and female roles, expectations and dynamics not only today but through history. The issue of children, to have or not have them is one that many couples should read before embarking on yet another commitment all on its own!All in all a very interesting read, an active reflection by a woman who is facing a choice many of us make or have made at early stages of our lives but who now looks at them through more mature and dare I say more sober eyes. Are some of her views unorthodox? In some cases ‘yes’ but that’s precisely what makes them refreshing. My wife and I read it together finding it raised many interesting topics for discussion. I would recommend Committed to anyone who’s in a relationship, married or not. A book worth reading is one that hopefully raises challenging issues – Committed is one of those books.

⭐I have started to read this book and already know that this book is life changing .. even within the first chapter it already approaches the attitudes towards marriage, and the commitment we show to our partners even before the big day itself -and I promise you this book will make you stop and think , it will make you really consider who you are and how you change your behaviour because of commitment to a partner and then what else it does is seriously makes you look at what marriage is really about Elizabeth Gilbert is an outstanding author and also please do see her talk on TED talks because it really is inspirational .before you read this also read eat pray love or watch the film , because the film is spiritual and really is quite beautiful and moving cant wait to read all of this book but already feel like right from the word go it really does make you ponder quite a lot and to question your attitudes to being part of a couple or getting married in fact this book is highly recommended for both cohabiting couples or engaged couples considering marriage !

⭐I bought this as an advertised sequel to Eat Pray Love, which I enjoyed, and it started out as this, where the US Homeland Security would not allow Liz Gilbert’s unmarried partner to enter the States, an entirely believable situation. To overcome this, they were encouraged to get married and all would in theory be well. Given their avowed intent to NOT get married after both their unhappy previous attempts at matrimony, this did not sit well with them.However, the book then wandered off into a lengthy exposition on marriage as viewed by different cultures, which is alright in small doses, but I confess I lost interest at this point despite being an admirer of Liz Gilbert’s writing style. I am probably old fashioned, but I find detailed unpicking of subjects such as marriage does little or nothing to improve your own enjoyment of matrimony.

⭐I read Eat Pray Love and absolutely loved every single word of it. So I couldn’t wait to get Committed to continue reading the love story between Liz and Felipe. But it’s as if the author got spooked by the number of people who read Eat Pray Love as she’d written that book so openly and so honestly, and this book was not written with the same openness of heart, which to be fair the author has admitted. The author held back and at times it was hard going to continue reading. If I’d wanted to know the history of marriage, I would have bought a different book. I wanted a book written with the same honesty and passion as Eat Pray Love and that’s not what this is. It’s still worth reading just to find how the relationship between Liz and Felipe progressed. And I still learnt a lot from this book that made it worth reading. I would dearly love Liz to write another sequel, provided it was written with the same candidness as the first book.

⭐I enjoyed it but did feel it was a bit of a lecture on marriage rather than a sequel to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ which had been totally entertaining, humorous and informative (certainly giving me a good insight into the spirituality of those who ‘follow’ Self Realisation). I wanted to learn more about her relationship with ‘Felipe’ but the balance of the book was weighted on the ‘what other people have written about marriage’ than ‘what happened between Felipe and I after we met and fell in love’. I felt that I was back in school studying sociology. ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ left me wanting to find out more about Liz and her relationships. ‘Committed’ was a totally different book and left me feeling indifferent. Shame. Even so, I like her writing style and will track down other titles in future.

⭐These 2 stars are for the book not the supplier… Aw I was so looking forward to this especially after her first book…to be honest, I just couldn’t get into it. I found it so boring…sorry Elizabeth..where as Eat Pray Love was so engaging I just got bored within the first few chapters. I ended up giving it away so never got to finish it and they passed it on too as they couldn’t get into it

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