I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me by Hal Straus Jerold J. Kreisman, MD (PDF)

Description

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. There are an estimated 18 million sufferers of BPD living in America today—each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:• A shaky sense of identity• Sudden outbursts of anger• Oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection• Brief, turbulent love affairs• Intense feelings of emptiness• Eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies• An irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction. This completely revised and updated edition includes information on the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as the connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders, making it a vital reference for understanding and living with BPD.“This book belongs on the bookshelf of patients, their friends and family, and for all those who help in their healing.” —Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

User’s Reviews

Editorial Reviews: About the Author Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, is a clinician and educator who founded one of the first acute care facilities in the world designed specifically for borderline patients. HAL STRAUS has been a professional medical/health writer and editor for more than twenty-five years. They are also the authors of Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder.Hal Straus has been a professional medical/health writer and editor for more than twenty-five years.

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) plus Temperament (Personality & Behavioral Style) can be very important to know about, especially for those dealing with it personally or because someone they love and care about is a BPD (usually a spouse or significant other). Few people know about BPD or PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome), which generally happens when separation or divorce results because a spouse has BPD and Parent Alienation against a noncustodial spouse or the “other” parent is involved. Children of a BPD parent are at high risk of being BPD with PAS, and grow up with multiple problems that can be life-threatening, traumatic, abusive, and wrong.There is a lot of confusion with tendency to misdiagnose or fail to know someone is a BPD, especially when PAS is involved; generally for generations. It becomes an ongoing cycle of traumatic abuse and alienation (turning) against others that gets passed from generation to generation unless appropriately recognized and addressed with appropriate evaluation, diagnosis, counseling, and treatment.Children growing up with a BPD parent, which generally includes PA (Parent Alienation against others with denial of information, truth, contact, and relationships with others); commonly grow up with huge ongoing problems that negatively affect them for life, especially within their own attempts at relationships with others. Knowing the characteristics common to a BPD, and to PA can help individuals to be informed and able to understand and respond more positively (safely). Not being informed can be dangerous and life-threatening for everyone involved. Especially for children, teens, and young adults forced to grow up with a traumatically hateful, abusive, impulsive, irresponsible, immature, deceptive (lying), malicious parent while denied all information, contact, and relationships with others by the BPD parent demanding a child choose only the BPD parent.Someone with BPD denies all wrongdoing and refuses to make things right, while denying mental illness and the need for appropriate evaluation, diagnosis, and counseling. They deceive self and others, believing their own lies and false ideas/beliefs so that others believe what they SAY even when totally absurd and false with evidence that what they think, believe, and say is FALSE! They are generally charismatic (people like them). They will say and do anything they think might be needed to manipulate, deceive, and get others to agree with them, believe them, and comply with their ever-changing demands. They think and care about no one but self and their own personal agendas. They can be very clever and highly intelligent (educated), but totally lack maturity, common sense, and good judgment. They are generally rebellious as teens with huge problems that increase over time, and without appropriate diagnosis and counseling; they struggle with relationships and generally have a very difficult life to deal with.The book is OKay, but does not include information about God-given Temperament (Personality and behavioral style), which is important for everyone to have, know, and be able to apply. Temperament can increase the inappropriate responses, attitudes, and traumatic abuses of a BPD; especially a BPD with PAS. Something we deal with on a daily ongoing basis because of the ongoing hatred and traumatic abuses of a BPD with PAS and a history of 5 Maternal generations of total destruction because of it; while those with BPD and PAS deny all wrongdoing and realities involved. Children robbed of a relationship with a noncustodial parent from 4 months, 18 months, & 3 with 2 suicidal teens responding after a lifetime of traumatic abuse, deception, hatred, and life-threatening situations created by their custodial parent and others who are the 4th & 5th Maternal generation forced to be destroyed because those with BPD and PAS deny all wrongdoing and have never been appropriately evaluated, diagnosed, or treated. And, yes, appropriate diagnose, counseling, and treatment are available. The problem is that those with BPD and PAS reject and refuse to acknowledge realities, evaluation, and treatment so that the ongoing cycle passed from generation to generation cannot be broken. Especially when those dealing with it have no idea what’s going on or why or how to respond (what to say and do).Responding incorrectly generally always makes things much worse and increases the sudden angry rages and traumatic, hateful abuses of a BPD with PAS. They can be dangerous and those they abuse can be totally destroyed with no probable cause (evidence or witnesses). Especially in Ohio where no evidence and no witnesses can totally destroy someone based solely on FALSE Allegations (Lies and perjury). Especially when courts (judges, prosecutors, attorneys, children services, and others) believe, assist, and give sole custody to the BPD parent with PAS so that kids are also totally destroyed over time and end up suicidal. A reality and fact that most individuals know nothing about until it happens without knowing or comprehending why that is.Information is important, and this explains one of the most confusing aspects of Borderline Personality. The basic main FEAR of being ABANDONED, which motivates the BPD with PAS to be demanding, insecure, totally self focused, and even dangerous. It can be worse when FEAR of not getting into Heaven is added to the motivation of the BPD with PAS so that the individual will say and do anything without ability to respond appropriately to those fears; especially without destroying others because of those fears.The other books, information, and materials available online and otherwise are critical for anyone having BPD, PAS, or having to deal with the realities of someone with BPD,PAS and life-threatening situations that result.

⭐Good book

⭐I was once in a relationship with a woman who exhibited all the signs of borderline personality disorder (BPD): uncontrollable, inappropriate anger; impulsivity; self-harming; projection; splitting; idealization and devaluation; and many more were characteristic of my time with her.I walked on eggshells constantly, always either in combat during her rages or, feeling like her happier moments were merely cease-fires whose duration were always short and correctly anticipated to be so.I ended the relationship, believing my ex to be an evil reptilian person who didn’t know the meaning of the word “empathy.”But I also didn’t know about the ways family and others in relationships with a borderline can cope with the borderline’s behavior. The SET-UP technique described by the author could certainly have helped me address my ex’s episodes more effectively and more proactively than gearing up for battle and, ultimately, walking away.The advances in psychotherapies and even in medication (though no medications are specifically indicated for BPD) are helping many borderlines alleviate their symptoms, develop healthier relationships, achieve some degree of remission, and lead lives closer to normal, and show great hope for the future. And “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me” discusses these quite thoroughly and optimistically.As I progressed through this book, I often wondered what it would have been like had I stayed in the relationship with my ex, knowing about the various coping methods like SET-UP, and working through family therapy with her (my ex was seeing a therapist during the time we were together, but she told me it was for depression and anxiety, not BPD; I pieced together that she had BPD after the relationship ended). Maybe if I had been a little more patient, a little more firm at maintaining boundaries, and definitely a little more supportive and empathic, we may have been able to achieve a longstanding, happy relationship.One last thing: if you’re the type who stops reading the book at the last chapter and doesn’t venture into reading the appendices of a book, you may want to break from that routine for this book. Appendix B provides a great discussion of how the borderline personality disorder diagnosis evolved. Definitely worth reading.Whether you’re a student of psychology, a practicing therapist, a borderline struggling to stop the pain, or a family member or relationship partner of a borderline, you will find “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me,” an informative, helpful resource in stopping the pain of this terrible disorder.

⭐Brought this book with high hopes after reading the reviews to try and help my family understand my illness. It has now been returned.This book focuses on the extremes of this illness, which I accept is sadly representative of many people experiencing this illness, but is not representative of all. The way the book is written implies that all individuals with this condition present with the extreme examples of the symptoms inherent with BPD. This is 100% untrue.This book reinforces stereotypes and stigma, and is misinformative for the lay person trying to learn more to help loved ones.The term “the borderline” is used to identify the sufferers and is completely impersonal. I understand that “Individuals with BPD” would be a nightmare to use throughout a book but a little more thought into how the BPD community is referred to would have been nice.If you want to learn more about this illness, there is much better information online.

⭐This book constantly comes up as one of the best books on BPD. I have read a lot of books on the disorder and this is the only one I have absolutely hated. The language of the book helps to perpetuate stigmas. I found it to be extremely condescending and unhelpful. I was reading the updated version which makes me cringe to think what the original version from the 80s must have been like. Do better.

⭐I believe this was one of the first widely-published books about BPD, before it became as well-publicised as it is now. It was one of the first serious books I read on the subject and to say it was enlightening would be an understatement. If you have any doubts about your diagnosis/status, I think reading this book will help you decide. I certainly recognised myself very early on. I don’t recall finding any particular self-help guidance but it was very useful to develop my understanding of symptoms and non-BPD perception of the condition. It’s the second time I’ve bought it as I’ve lent my original copy out so many times I’ve now lost track of who has it. This is an important book in my reference library and if you want to know more about BPD (for whatever reason) I think you’ll find the writer’s style and use of specific case studies really accessible. Recommend highly. The seller shipped this quickly and it was well-packaged. Would buy again (and probably will….!)

⭐The book is easy to digest and presents solid information… most of the time. A lot of the things here are outdated (what’s with the constant referring to MySpace in modern contexts?) and often rely in a very old-school way of thinking (speaking of gender as a dichotomy, sometimes referring to different sexual orientations as sexual perversions, etc.). Despite that, the book does its best to present everything in a factual way. While it my fail sometimes, not everyone is born “woke” and it’s only natural there will be instances of it being outdated.If you’re someone with BPD, take into consideration that some of the language used may be objectifying and impersonal – making you seem more like an object than a person. However, I felt it did a great job of making the symptoms feel valid and real, instead of just “pretending” like many therapists.All in all, decent but nothing groundbreaking.

⭐Outdated, highly negative towards people with borderline personality disorder. If you gave BPD, this book will help you hate yourself.

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