Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts And You Don’t Know Why by Susan Forward (PDF)

Description

Is this the way love is supposed to feel? • Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live and behave? • Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy? • Is he extremely jealous and possessive? • Does he switch from charm to anger without warning? • Does he belittle your opinions, your feelings, or your accomplishments? • Does he withdraw love, money, approval, or sex to punish you? • Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship? • Do you find yourself “walking on eggs” and apologizing all the time? If the questions here reveal a familiar pattern, you may be in love with a misogynist — a man who loves you, yet causes you tremendous pain because he acts as if he hates you. In this superb self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the voices of men and women trapped in these negative relationships to help you understand your man’s destructive pattern and the part you play in it. She shows how to break the pattern, heal the hurt, regain your self-respect, and either rebuild your relationship or find the courage to love a truly loving man.BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Susan Forward’s Toxic Parents.

User’s Reviews

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐It was truly devastating, in the best possible way, for me to read this book. It helped me see how my behavior was supporting a toxic marriage, and how no amount of therapy or communication was ever going to “fix” this relationship. I cried every day while reading this book because it was the first time someone explained to me what was happening in plain English, and with real life examples that I could see in my daily life. I cried because I was grieving, recognizing that this was not the marriage I had hoped for. It helped me dig deep when I started doing the exercises. Mind you, I do have a therapist, and a very supportive family, who helped me pack up and move when I was good and ready. It was truly a sad day when I left my husband, in some ways. But in other ways I’m smiling again, I’m taking full breaths and rebuilding my friendships, which I had let go of. I’m going back to re-read some of the chapters to figure out where and who I am now, and take the next steps of making sure I never attract or enable this toxic masculine behavior again. Its going to take time to believe in myself, trust relationships, and have the courage to open my heart. I have not lost hope in men, but I do recognize that misogyny and toxic masculinity is pervasive and that is not what I want in my life. The next book should be imagining something better, a healthy, balanced relationship. Now that would be something!

⭐I LOVE this book – every woman should read it before it is too late, even before getting into a serious relationship. It helped me and some friends understand what was going on in our relationships and take appropriate measures. I bought it for my Kindle app so I could read it discretely when he was not around (at lunch or in various waiting rooms) since he had a habit of scrutinizing everything I did and every conversation I had with anyone, accusing me of anything and everything aggressively in order to try to pry something out of me, even if it didn’t exist in the first place.What I liked about the book is that it was straight to the point and not tainted by religious beliefs or making excuses for our tormentors, neither is it hateful towards men. It explained where the behaviors came from and how some could hopefully be curved in some cases so this is not a pure guide to divorce book. It is a save-yourself-from-bad-relationships book.The book helps to assess who/what you are dealing with and anticipate the cheap blows and games these men play with women in order to achieve their goals – although, I am sure that same sex relationships do see their fair share of such situations. Soon after I started reading I recognized the behaviors described by the author. I was able to ask my then husband the right questions to find out if there was any hope or not, make some requests to help make my days easier to deal with and later on, plan my exit strategy – there was no flags that I was in immediate physical danger. After I left, I once again witnessed the behaviors detailed by the author but this time I was out of his reach… The threats, the promises to get me back under his control… I was able to navigate my way out, back to sanity and safety. I am sure it helped me avoid some bad mistakes and associated drama. It is very difficult and painful to act and leave a man for whom we have feelings, but sometimes it is what NEEDS to be done. It hurt, I cried but it got better. It has now been 15 months since I left and my only regret is not leaving sooner.I gave this book to 2 friends… Both found it very informative. One improved her living conditions by setting boundaries and negotiating (he adjusted after he figured out that she was no kidding and that she would definitely leave if something didn’t change), the other left her abusive husband (who was in disbelief) and is on to a happier life, rebuilding her self esteem will take a while. Both were initially under the impression that their husbands behaviors and expectations were “normal” and that they were the useless spouse, so often at fault.Thank you very much Dr Susan Forward, I will be forever grateful that you took the time to share all of this with us.

⭐I can’t tell you how many copies I have given out to abused women. It finally helps them see him for who he is, that it’s not their fault and find strength to move on. What a book!!

⭐I’ve spoken to a lot of people, both men and women, stuck in abusive relationships. If you’ve ever wondered how a man or woman in an abusive relationship can’t “just leave”, this book explains why and how it happens. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I suspected was a misogynist, but never confirmed until I read this. He wasn’t verbally or physically abusive, but he was very emotionally abusive and believed women owed him everything. And I’d never felt freer than when we finally broke up years later.To anyone who thinks abuse is just physical, think again. Verbal and emotional abuse can inflict just as much damage, especially in the long-term.I’m on a path to self-healing, and this book has helped me examine some of the relationships I’ve had in the past, and why I found it so hard to “just leave”. Well-written with real-life examples, I found it to be a riveting read. A must-read if you suspect you’re in an abusive relationship, have been in the past, or know somebody who is and want to help or understand them.

⭐I have read quite a few self help books prior to my impending divorce but this was by far the most apt to my situation. No psychological babble, just plain and simply explains the mechanics of a mysogynistic relationship, that I recognised all too well. It was like somebody had wrote a book about the dynamics of my marriage. This book helped me after leaving a relationship of this kind but it would equally be as valuable, if not more so, to somebody who was considering it. It validated a lot of the feelings I was confused about and helped me to realise that I have definately done the best for both myself and my children in a no win situation.

⭐If there is a relationship in your life where you feel you have been walked all over and left feeling totally crushed then perhaps you should read this book. The language is confrontational and does not encourage male readers, and there is quite a lot of american hyperbole, and the author is definitely in the ‘leave them they’re not worth it’ camp but the general tenor of the book does give insight.My partner of 23 years left me and his children – one of whom is terminally ill – a year ago for a young female colleague. I have felt, and continue to feel crush and worthless and it was my therapist who lent me this book. I was shocked to see my partner walking through the text of most of the book, since I had never – even in my darkest days – thought of him like that. Reading the book has given me understanding of sorts even though it has not necessarily helped me to come to terms with what has and is continuing to happen.

⭐I haven’t got to the end of this book yet, but after reading ‘Toxic Parents’ by the same writer, I have found her work very insightful, that is, going to great lengths to describe bahaviours using case examples and then seeks to explain those behaviours. However, the reason why I give this author five stars is that she is great at logical progression. She explains the possible reasons for the behaviour, but not about what THEY can do about it, but what YOU can do about your behaviour and ways of thinking, amd this is where the power of the books lie. Brilliant and highly recommended.

⭐Got to this book through the bibliography to the excellent ‘Why Does He Do That’ by Bancroft. Though the author meant well in the ’90s, by today’s standards she may rightfully be accused of unwitting victim blaming.

⭐Coming out of an abusive relationship thinking I was mad & it couldn’t have been as bad as I thought, this book validated my experience and offered much needed insight to help my recovery.

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