The Year We Fell Apart by Emily Martin (Epub)

Description

In the tradition of Sarah Dessen, this powerful debut novel is a compelling portrait of a young girl coping with her mother’s cancer as she figures out how to learn from—and fix—her past mistakes.

Few things come as naturally to Harper as epic mistakes. In the past year she was kicked off the swim team, earned a reputation as Carson High’s easiest hook-up, and officially became the black sheep of her family. But her worst mistake was destroying her relationship with her best friend, Declan.

Now, after two semesters of silence, Declan is home from boarding school for the summer. Everything about him is different—he’s taller, stronger…more handsome. Harper has changed, too, especially in the wake of her mom’s cancer diagnosis.

While Declan wants nothing to do with Harper, he’s still Declan, her Declan, and the only person she wants to talk to about what’s really going on. But he’s also the one person she’s lost the right to seek comfort from.

As their mutual friends and shared histories draw them together again, Harper and Declan must decide which parts of their past are still salvageable and which parts they’ll have to let go of once and for all.

In this honest and affecting tale of friendship and first love, Emily Martin brings to vivid life the trials and struggles of high school and the ability to learn from past mistakes over the course of one steamy North Carolina summer.

User’s Reviews

This moving narrative is told through the past and present of a high-school junior. It explores motive and distance in relationships and the effects of sickness on a family. The subject matter should be inescapably miserable, but Martin seamlessly infuses humor, wit and nostalgia, bringing fun into an otherwise sad story. ― RT Magazine About the Author Emily Martin grew up in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. She attended graduate school in North Carolina, where she fell in love with sweet potato pancakes, deep fried pickles, and the boy who later became her husband. Emily now lives and writes in Boston, Massachusetts. The Year We Fell Apart is her first novel. You can find Emily online at EmilyMartinWrites.com, or follow her on Twitter @ThatEmilyMartin. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Year We Fell Apart One SOMETIMES I THINK THE WHITE oak tree was listening that night last August. That it knows about the promises we made to each other up in our tree house. That it knows I kept only half of mine. I circle the oak’s trunk—trying to make sense of the bright orange X spray-painted across it—and wait for Cory to catch up. The graffiti should come as a relief: Soon the tree will be gone, and another reminder of that night with Declan gone with it. “Dude.” Cory doubles over, resting his palms on his knees. “What is the matter with you?” My fingertips trace the bark. “They’re going to cut it down.” “What? Harper, you almost gave me a heart attack. Who jumps out of a moving vehicle?” Please. We weren’t even driving that fast. “The trees up by the road were marked and I couldn’t tell how far into the forest it went. I needed to know if ours was tagged too.” “Hey, here’s an idea. What if next time you wait for me to pull over before sprinting into the woods like an insane person?” Light filters through the trees and paints the undergrowth a golden yellow. I’ve spent countless afternoons in this part of the forest, but today it feels different somehow. Like it’s no longer a place of my own. I close my eyes and listen for the spray of an aerosol can or some sign of the people responsible for marking the area, but all I hear is Cory mouth-breathing and the leaves shuddering on their limbs. “You don’t think it’s our fault, do you?” I gaze back up at the tree house, the sanctuary that Cory, Declan, and I built six summers ago when we were eleven. We pooled our allowances for months to buy the supplies and spent most of the school year meticulously planning the design, being extra careful to use supports to take the stress off the tree. The floor still turned out crooked, and there’s a hole the size of a quarter in the shingled roof. But it’s ours. Cory points to the matching X ’s on nearby trees, all the color of Doritos dust. “I don’t think it’s because of the tree house. They’re probably clearing the area for development or something.” “Oh.” My palm runs across one of the boards we nailed to the trunk for a makeshift ladder. The wood is splintered along the edge and I pick at it with my fingernail. I try to remember all the stuff we left behind—a deck of playing cards, maybe the binoculars Declan took from his parents’ garage. And a blanket. A scratchy wool blanket, also borrowed from Declan’s house. Everything neat and organized, waiting for us to come back. I want to climb up now and see if it’s all still there, but I won’t. Can’t. Haven’t since last summer. “I assumed it was sick.” Cory scrunches his nose to lift his glasses. He looks at the tree house, finally. Then back at me, wearing a smile that’s a little too sympathetic. “We should get going. My mom wants me home for dinner.” Mine does too. But after last night’s unsettling family sit-down, I may never eat dinner again. “Listen, Harper . . .” Cory swats away a mosquito and shuffles his feet. The bed of soggy leaves squishes beneath him. “I’m really sorry . . . you know, about your mom.” My fingers freeze. I haven’t told him yet, but I can’t say I’m surprised he’s already heard. Our moms are best friends, plus Bridget is a doctor. A lump swells in my throat. I swallow, swallow again, then stuff my hands in my back pockets. “Thanks.” He knuckles his glasses farther up his nose. “You okay?” My eyes travel up once more, landing on the window on the side of the tree house. A memory surfaces, of me and Declan and Cory armed with water guns, ready to defend our turf. I shake it off and start walking in the direction of the road. It rained all yesterday, and with each step my sandals fling a few more specks of mud up the backs of my legs. “Can you just drop me at Sadie’s?” I ask. He doesn’t answer until his ancient silver Honda comes into view through the trees. “You sure that’s a good idea?” “Yep. Thanks.” We don’t talk on the way back through town. The air conditioner in Cory’s car has seen better days, so I lean out the open window and let the sticky breeze tangle my hair. Sunlight glints off the shop windows along Ninth Street and the windshields of cars we pass, and I have to make a visor with my hand to keep my eyes from watering. When we stop in front of Sadie’s town house, I lick my thumb and rub some dirt off my thigh. Cory fidgets with the radio, finally settling on an alt-rock station. But his fingers keep on tapping, and now he’s sending me all these sidelong glances. “Would you stop looking at me like that?” “Like what?” “Like I’m a bird with a broken wing.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Better?” I flick his shoulder and grab my purse off the floor just as Sadie throws her front door open. She struts over and bends down, draping her forearms across my window. She catches sight of my mud-stained legs and scowls. “It’s a good thing we have a few minutes before the guys get here.” I should have cleaned up before coming over. Should be wearing mascara and the lacy black top Sadie bought me for my last birthday. Plus something closer to excitement on my face, because it’s the summer before senior year, and that’s how we planned it. The car jolts a few inches forward. Sadie jumps back and Cory stifles a grin. “Sorry. Foot slipped.” Sadie glares at him and I open my door before he can do any more damage. “I’ll see you later, okay?” Cory lifts two fingers off the steering wheel in a lazy good-bye. “We’re still on for the quarry tomorrow?” I ask over my shoulder. “Yeah, sure.” I step out onto the sidewalk and watch him drive away. Sadie pulls me inside and up to her room. She grabs a pack of makeup-removing wipes off her vanity and hands one over. “So. He asked about you again.” The cloth darkens as I scrub the backs of my calves. “He who?” “Kyle Marcell. He’s coming out tonight, with Will.” “Kyle,” I repeat. I try to focus on this new name, but my head is scattered all across Carson County. My dining room table, where my family is gathered without me. Underwater at the quarry, where I can scream without anyone hearing. And especially the tree house in the middle of the forest, where I still feel the ghost of the girl I used to be. Sadie’s phone vibrates on her vanity. She checks the message and her lips creep into a smile. She doesn’t notice I’m not smiling back. * * * A beat-up Ford Mustang stops at the curb. Will’s Mustang. Kyle gets out and pulls the passenger’s seat forward. His angular face is partially obscured by expensive-looking sunglasses, and his narrow mouth is stretched into a smirk. I cast Sadie a quick glance and crawl into the cramped backseat. Kyle slides in after me. He moved to Carson a year ago, and although we had two classes together last semester, we’ve exchanged only a handful of words. One time he borrowed a pen from me and never gave it back. And he plays lacrosse. This is the extent of what I know about Kyle Marcell. He’s wearing a T-shirt with an outline of Michigan on it that says AMERICA’S HIGH FIVE. I gesture to the logo. “Is that where you’re from originally?” Kyle pulls at the bottom of the shirt and looks down, as if he forgot what he had on. “Oh. No.” The conversation dies on the spot. Meanwhile, Sadie closes her door and the smell of pot mingled with Kyle’s acrid cologne gets trapped inside. And something cloying—a pineapple air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror. A headache brews behind my eyes and I start breathing through my mouth. Kyle takes off the sunglasses and slouches down beside me, his eyes bloodshot and heavy-lidded. His knee falls out to the side and bumps against mine. Will puts the car in gear. “What do you ladies feel like doing tonight?” Somehow I don’t feel any less trapped here than at home. But every escape has its catch, and beggars can’t be choosers. So as Kyle’s arm slides across my bare shoulders, I don’t angle away or shrug him off. I sit perfectly still and stare out the window. “Anything,” Sadie drawls in the voice guys always find irresistible. She turns her head toward Will. “We’re up for anything.” Will’s parents are conveniently out of town until next Tuesday. We go to his house. He swipes a bottle of vodka from the liquor cabinet and Sadie contributes two cans of Boomerang Energy Enhancement. Boomerang, for the record, tastes mildly of dish detergent and perfume. But Sadie is woefully addicted and at the moment, I’m not overly picky. I chase a large shot with a small sip of Boomerang. Sadie sidles up to me and uses my phone as a mirror while she reapplies her lip gloss. She dips down and presses her lips lightly onto mine, and I smooth the lip gloss she left behind across my mouth. And just like that, the boys are hooked. This flirtation comes standard with Sadie, as forced as it might feel to me. Sadie is a lot of things I’m not: glamorous, brazen, and blond, for starters. Add her C-cup to the mix, and it’s really not all that surprising she has the effect she does on guys. Approximately ninety seconds later, Will grabs Sadie’s hand and they disappear behind his bedroom door. I take another shot. Will’s kitchen is modern with stainless steel everything. A lighthouse calendar hangs on the wall above the light switch. Mom has the same one. I pour myself a third drink and walk over to the calendar, turn the page from May to June. Then I begin a self-guided tour of the house. I find a small, dimly lit den situated off the far side of the kitchen. Leaning against the door frame to the den, I down the shot and grip the glass in my fist, then turn back to the kitchen, where Kyle is perched on a bar stool at the island. He’s watching me but seems reluctant to come any closer. Probably because aside from that first failed inquiry into Kyle’s past, I haven’t uttered a single word since the guys picked us up an hour ago. “Come here,” I say, not even trying to sound alluring like Sadie. He takes his time, like he could think of a dozen other places he’d rather be. Right. Kyle stops in front of me and squares his shoulders. He’s close to my height, maybe half an inch shorter. I can’t recall whether he always has this drowsy look on his face, or if he’s just stoned. I nod my head to the couch. “Sit.” “Bossy, aren’t you?” He hesitates a moment longer, then slips past me and sits on the black leather sofa. His eyebrows rise like he’s waiting for his next order. Setting the empty glass down on the coffee table, I edge closer. I guess Kyle is decent-looking, in a preppy-jock-gone-hipster kind of way. His jeans are a bit too tight for my taste, but why sweat the small stuff? Kyle’s sudden interest in hanging out with me probably has more to do with the rumors about what happened after-hours in the school pool this past spring than the fact that I loaned him a pen that one time. And I’ve been careful since the pool incident, determined not to give my classmates any more ammunition. The problem is, tonight I don’t care. Tonight I need a distraction. So without another word, I slide onto the couch and straddle Kyle. His too-cool-for-school act wears off pretty quickly after that. He meets me halfway, his mouth moving slowly against mine at first, but building momentum as one hand grips my hair. Kyle’s not a bad kisser, per se. Just not my preferred style. Exhibit A: What is happening with his tongue? Maybe he’s trying that thing where you spell out the alphabet? Except he seems to have only awkward letters like k and z in his arsenal. Or he doesn’t know it’s supposed to be in cursive? He pushes against my right hip and turns so that he’s half on top of me. I’m short of breath, and Kyle seems to interpret this as a good sign. His legs tangle with mine and his hand starts to roam up my side. The air-conditioning kicks on. I listen to it blast through the vent in the corner. Then a dog barks outside. I’ve always wanted a dog, but Dad’s allergic. And Mom would never be able to stand the mess and besides, pets just get old and die. Probably from cancer. No clock in the room. I sit up a little and move Kyle’s hand away from my back pocket so I can grab my phone and check the time. He takes this as an invitation to go after my neck. Which, actually, I like a little better. But it’s later than I thought, well past the dinner I was supposed to be home for, and I decide it’s time for me to round up Sadie. “Gotta go.” I spring off the couch. Kyle freezes with one hand where my hip used to be. “Seriously?” I knock on Will’s door and call to Sadie that it’s time to leave, then go wait for her in the kitchen. Kyle walks in and leans against the counter, looking decidedly less enthusiastic than a moment ago. “What’s the hurry?” “I have a curfew.” He looks out the kitchen window. It’s only just getting dark. He slides closer and hooks his finger through my belt loop. “Come on, it’s early. I can drive you home in a little while.” I slip out of reach and call Sadie’s name again. Kyle crosses his arms and slumps back against the refrigerator door. Sadie wraps it up in record time, running her fingers through her hair as she walks into the kitchen. Will steps behind her and gropes her waist. She giggles and whines, which seems to be exactly what Will wants to hear. “Can we go?” I ask. Will shoots me a dirty look and pushes a fringe of sandy-blond hair off his forehead. The hair stays put, and I imagine his fingers come away greasy. Sadie rolls her eyes at him but follows me out the garage door. Kyle takes the wheel on the way home, so I ride shotgun while Sadie keeps Will occupied in the backseat. My foot taps out every second that ticks by as we wind our way through town. I’ve got ten minutes. Then five. Then none and we’re still four blocks away. The car swings into my driveway and I glance over my shoulder. Mistake. I turn quickly back around because there is nothing in the backseat I want to see. I push the door open. “Hey.” Kyle catches my arm and pulls me into one last thin-lipped kiss I do not close my eyes for. He releases me with a smug smile. “I had a lot of fun tonight,” he says, which seems like the kind of thing guys say when they want to leave the option open for repeat performances. I tuck my hair behind my ears and inch out of my seat. “Yeah. Good times.” I jump out and lean down. “Sadie? You coming in?” She breaks away from Will’s face and smiles. “I’m good. Night, love.” “Okay.” I hold on to the door a moment longer. I wish she would just come in. “Drive safe.” On my way up to the porch, a jingle of keys a few yards to my right grabs my attention. I squint to make out who they belong to. My feet stop. He’s strolling down Cory’s driveway next door, twirling the key ring around his index finger. He looks taller. I mean, he’s always been tall, but definitely over six feet now. Stronger, too. He used to be so lanky. Now broad shoulders give way to muscular arms, and his hair is longer than he’s ever worn it—reaching all the way down to his chin. Everything is different. But it’s him. My heart is helicopter-loud, pumping blood through me. But I’m rooted in place, watching the highlight reel of my childhood flash before my eyes. He holds my gaze as we pass each other. Or rather, as he passes me, since I’m still standing here staring at him like a total freak. “Night, Harper.” His voice is soft. Completely at odds with his rigid posture. Will backs out of the driveway. I watch the car over my shoulder, and even in the darkness, I can see the front seat clearly from where I stand. I wonder how much Declan saw. When I turn back toward him, Declan’s gaze is fixed on the ground. He stays that way until he reaches his own car in the street. “Good night,” I call, forcing my heavy limbs into motion. I peek over my shoulder once more before going inside. Declan is already driving away. Read more

Reviews from Amazon users, collected at the time the book is getting published on UniedVRG. It can be related to shiping or paper quality instead of the book content:

⭐ This book was soooo goooooood! I love a book that will shatter me and make me put the pieces back together.

⭐ Cute story that kept me entertained the whole time. Unlike a lot of high school stories this one had more depth and originality.

⭐ A sweet exploration of how grief impacts a community and the fragility and resilience of love. The main character deals with slut shaming in a powerful way.

⭐ Source: Simon teen via EdelweissDisclaimer: I received this book as an ARC (advanced review copy). I am not paid for this review, and my opinions in this review are mine, and are not effected by the book being free. I wanted to read the Year We Fell Apart because I like the sound of the mix between second chance romance and the friends to relationship. Harper sounds like she has made some bad choices, and she has to learn from them as well as face the fall out. She is also dealing with her mom’s cancer diagnosis and missing Declan, who she has been friends with for so long, and did have a relationship with. Declan has been away and now he is back, and through their other friend Cory, that Harper has stayed close to, they come into contact more than Harper thought they would. Thing are awkward, and it was a balance of flirting, trying to figure out where they stand with each other, and Harper trying to figure out whether or not Declan knows what has happened with the swim team and getting caught fooling around with another guy in the pool, and what he thinks about. Harper also wants to confide in Declan about what is going on with her mom since Declan lost his mom when he was younger, and this is another thing that got them so close back then. But again, the distance and her mistakes cause her to stay back. Declan was hard to get a read on in the present they spend enough time together because of Cory and because of the parties and then they’re also together with the two girls from their photography class a lot. I can’t tell if that one likes Mackenzie or if he is just trying to figure things out with Harper. There’s moments where I feel like they are so close to getting back to their friendship were getting back to our relationship but then Harper and her insecurities or the mistakes that she’s made will somehow get him between both of them. I did like her memories of the two of them and their first kiss. The good memories from their friendship and from when he told her how he was falling for her and they both were kind of questioning the beginnings of their boyfriend girlfriend relationship and they express you know that there everything to each other. Towards the end I did skim a bit, with the drama with her and Sadie, but I did like what she realized about her family, and the build up with her and Declan.Bottom Line: Emotional look at Harper’s year of regrets and her trying to turn it around.

⭐ For a book that tackles such big issues–second chances, grieving/loss, shaming, bullying, and relationships–I found the characters disappointingly shallow. Emily Martin does a great job portraying the main character’s emotional spiral due to her fear of losing people she loves and the extremes she goes to in order to numb her pain. Unfortunately, Harper just isn’t a likable character. I found her whiny, deceitful, selfish, and stupid. I spent the whole book wondering if she was ever going to pull her head out. There’s a small mention nearly at the end of the book that I think was supposed to demonstrate her growth, but it was too little too late. I didn’t believe her insight or her resolve was genuine. As for the other characters, most of them were likable enough, but they had no depth at all. Her friends, Gwen and Mackenzie, may as well have been the same character. Except for the difference in their appearances, they were the same character. Their voices sounded exactly the same. All of the adults sounded the same, Cory and Declan sounded the same, even the two “bad guys” sounded the same. The only person who displayed any individuality was Harper’s friend, Sadie, who owes most of her uniqueness to her unrepentant selfishness. (At least she’s honest about it, though, which is more than I can say for Harper.) Lastly, I was very disappointed that most of the serious issues in the book are skimmed over, rather than truly explored. The Year We Fell Apart had all the right elements for a really great story, but it just didn’t deliver.

⭐ I’m slowly realizing that all the books I read in January are kind of a blur, so bear with me with this review.I gave this book 4 stars. I wasn’t too into this book, as much as I really wanted to be. It reminded me a lot of Just Listen by Sarah Dessen and 99 Days by Katie Cotugno. While the premise was interesting, and the execution was done well, this story didn’t resonate with me as much as I would like.Which is sad, becuase several people with similar tastes as me, really enjoyed this one, but, the more I think about it now, the more I’m inclined to give it 3 stars instead of 4.The stort itself seems forgetable now, given the fact that I remember nothing of the actual plot, with only goodread updates to give me an idea of what I was thinking while reading it. I wanted so desperately to love it, that I ignored how much I didn’t connect with the story.

⭐ While I ultimately gave this book a 3 star rating, I wondered if it should be two. Harper is very hard to like. If that was on purpose, okay, but even Declan says it, to paraphrase, how can she lie and be selfish and her friends still support her. She made bad choices and is paying for them, but her friends who are the “good kids” just keep supporting her and, even worse, enabling her in the name of friendship. Her use and abuse of alcohol is a crutch that she’s just going to stop? That’s not going to happen. And while the novel does address the sexual violence that happens when alcohol is involved, the adults around Harper don’t seem to be approaching what happened seriously enough. I know the girl is usually blamed, and Harper internalizes the guilt, but maybe it’s the sexual violence support organization worker in me, this just wasn’t ringing true. I think a lot of the characters in this book didn’t actually ring true. That said, I did finish it, and I did enjoy parts, but on the whole, underwhelming.

⭐ The Year We Fell Apart was an incredibly poignant look at the ways we try to escape the painful moments in our lives and the many mistakes that we often make along the way. This book doesn’t paint a pretty picture of the teen years, but it does paint a realistic one.What Fed My Addiction:Dealing with serious illness and death.I appreciated the way that this book dealt with terminal (or at least possibly terminal) illness and death. It showed the pain and confusion that goes along with losing a parent (in Declan’s case) or having a parent with a serious illness (in Harper’s case). Harper had so much fear and pain when it came to her mother’s cancer and she felt like her family was “pretending” everything was okay – this just made her more anxious and more frustrated. But the book showed how people deal with illness in different ways – Harper’s mom wasn’t pretending, she was just trying to keep a positive outlook so that she had the strength to keep going. Studies have shown that that’s actually a really healthy response and that patients who can keep themselves from giving up have a much higher survival rate. Still, Harper’s feelings were valid too – she didn’t want to go through her life like everything was fine when things were definitely not fine.Painful truths and character growth.Harper did not deal well with adversity. Let’s just put that out there. It wasn’t just her mother’s cancer either – anytime something started to go wrong or feel bad in Harper’s life she turned to alcohol, partying and boys to try to make herself feel better. And even when the results were devastating, she kept falling back into her old patterns. In fact, once she started to lose self esteem because of the bad things that came of her drinking, she spiraled downward even further, so it was a vicious cycle. Harper would feel low, so she would make bad choices, which would then make her feel worse about herself, so she would make more bad choices to try and block out that new pain. BUT, we did see Harper start to turn over a new leaf by the end of the book. She was trying harder to be in control of her actions and to take responsibility for them. She also stopped just letting things “happen” to her and made some attempts at taking back her dignity.Declan.Declan was an incredibly sweet, but also realistic teenage guy. He didn’t sit by idly and watch Harper self-destruct. But when things went really bad, he also didn’t unrealistically support Harper – he was real and he showed his fears and his frustrations, which I thought made a lot of sense. He wasn’t perfect, but he was a loving and solid presence in Harper’s life – he was just what she needed. I felt like the conflicts and misunderstandings between Declan and Harper all felt incredibly true-to-life, and I was so hoping they could get past them and make it as a couple. (But this is the type of book where you don’t exactly know how it’s all going to play out – maybe Declan and Harper would be better off as friends?)What Left Me Wanting More:More resolution.I wish we had gotten just a little more resolution at the end of the book – it felt a little too sudden. I would have liked to have seen Harper actually come to terms with the way that she handles her pain and address it. (Even at the end of the book, I had this niggling voice at the back of my head that said, But what happens the next time something goes really wrong with Harper’s life? Will she turn back to alcohol and her other bad habits if her self-esteem is low again?) I also would have liked to have seen her ditch her “friend” Sadie – or at least vow to make some changes with her. I guess I felt like, while there was definitely resolution to the book and Harper grew a lot, I wanted to see more of the results of that growth – or at least her seriously thinking about it.Sometimes painful to watch Harper’s self-destruction.While I applauded this book’s truthful handling of Harper’s issues, there were times when I wanted to just shake the girl for making the same choices over and over again! Be warned that it’s not pretty!So, while this book was sometimes painful and maddening (I shed some tears, but I’m the kind of person who LOVES that in a book), it was also a realistically painful look at the mistakes we make and how hard it can sometimes be to come back from them. I give this book 4/5 stars.***Disclosure: I received this book from Edelweiss and the publisher in exchange for an honest review. No other compensation was given and all opinions are my own.***

⭐ After a huge mistake resulted in being kicked off the swim team and losing one of her best friends, Harper has had time to reflect and come to terms with her actions. When her mother is diagnosed with cancer, Harper soon learns which of her friends she can count on for support. With Declan back for the summer and Cory rooting for their reconciliation, will Harper find the courage to tell the truth and ask for forgiveness?The biggest issue that I have with The Year We Fell Apart has to do with Cory. Since he tries so hard throughout the book to get Harper and Declan to patch things up, it did not seem to be believable that Cory did not tell Declan what happened to Harper, both in the past and the present. Although Harper asked him to keep silent, he seems to care about her too much to yield to that demand. With her mother so ill, I found it unrealistic that Harper would spend so much time partying and coming up with excuses to stay out of the house. I also found it unlikely that Harper’s parents would have been clueless as long as they were regarding her drinking. As drunk as it appears she was, the signs were definitely there for Harper’s parents to see. The Year We Fell Apart was well paced and delivered a powerful message regarding teenage drinking and risky behavior. I would recommend this book, more as a guide as to how not to handle such situations as outlined within its pages.

⭐ I picked up this book because it was recommended to fans of Sarah Dessen, but I have to say that was a bit of a misleading comparison. Dessen’s characters face big problems and make mistakes, but they do actually grow and learn from their experiences. I didn’t feel like that was the case in this book. I was all about believing Harper could put the brakes on the behavior and choices that kept making her life a spiral of suck. I believed and believed until I just couldn’t any more. This protagonist made excuses for her messes and other characters made excuses for her messes (even while they were telling her that she was selfish), and even when the book came to a close, I had a pretty good idea she would be back to her old bad habits in a few weeks. I just didn’t see the growth, and I felt like her romantic interest was a sucker in the end. My second problem was that this storyline included a rift in the relationship between Harper and her parents that is complicated by her mother’s cancer diagnosis. I felt like this ended up being an accessory subplot because there really wasn’t a feeling of resolution or development in terms of that issue. Her parents came off as suckers, too, and that was disappointing. I do think that there are readers who will connect with this character because in real life, there are lots of people who can’t seem to get themselves under control, but I’m not sure if there is really a message or hope in these pages. This is a perfectly adequate contemporary YA surface read, but I really wanted to see more character growth, and I think most of my high school readers will as well. Language and situations including sensuality and drugs make this a read for grades 9+. I received an ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.

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