Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward (PDF)

Description

BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Dr. Susan Forward’s Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them.When you were a child…Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless?Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you?Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems?Were you frightened of your parents?Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?Now that you are an adult…Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?Do your parents control you with threats or guilt?Do they manipulate you with money?Do you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents?In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward drawn on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents — and discover an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.

User’s Reviews

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐You know that handful of books you think of as your top five keepers if you had to get rid of all the others? This is one of mine. Growing up, I hated my mom. I was abused in every way except sexual. As victims of abuse well know, the mental abuse is much more damaging than the physical. I thought moving out as a young adult would end the tyranny, but no… Only the physical abuse stopped. When my first child was a baby, I was still dealing with my psycho mother and was very close to removing her from my life forever. Then I found this book. I was in tears on almost every page, as my feelings were validated so intimately I thought she had to be writing about me personally. It was like she reached into my soul and called out my deepest hurts and said, “You are allowed to feel this way. I understand how you are affected by this toxic person, and I am going to help you make it stop.” Now, this book isn’t designed to help you feel better about everything that is going on internally. It is not going to tell you how to be okay with everything that happened and how you feel about it inside your mind. It is written with the intent of taking real action to affect REAL CHANGE in your relationship. In order to overcome the hurt caused by those in your life, you will learn how to take control of the situation by setting boundaries and changing the rules of how you will be treated in the future. It is not for the faint hearted. The advice in this book will be difficult, and you will be tempted to resist her advice. It will make things harder for awhile, depending on how much control your parents have and how willing they are to let it go. In the case of my mom, she resisted this change with all her might. It wasn’t very pleasant for awhile there. But I will tell you it was ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT. Now, my relationship with her is pretty darn good! We aren’t as close as she’d like us to be, as it is hard to let someone that hurt me that deeply into that vulnerable space again, but it’s no longer a source of pain. Now, along with this book I also inserted some therapy in the mix, so please continue the work on yourself to be at peace with your past. I have referred to this book SO MANY TIMES over the years, and I recently bought the Kindle version as well. There is a young adult in my life that is currently dealing with her own toxic parent, and I felt this book would help her. I offered to loan her my paperback copy, but she is still living with her very controlling parent and they would find the book in their occasional random invasion of her privacy… So, I downloaded the Kindle version and gave her access to my Kindle app. She read the book and is working on utilizing the advice now. You can overcome your toxic parent, and if you are truly willing to reclaim your life, this book is a must have.

⭐This book will absolutely help you work through the trauma of having toxic parents and even identifying toxic people in your life. This is an easy read and gives you steps for identification, finding ways to get help and good examples.

⭐Ms. Forward had to been hiding somewhere in my closet to have written this book. My goodness you mean to tell me there’s a name for a parent who treat their children this way? For the most part parents love their children unconditionally and as we know there is no such thing as the perfect parent. This is not what this book is talking about as parents we all make mistakes. My mother drove me crazy I couldn’t win for losing with her. No matter how hard I worked or how much money I gave her it wasn’t enough. She called me crazy, dared me to hit her so she could call the police. I never hit her even when she pushed me when I was 5 months pregnant. I cried and washed myself several times when she wanted me to touch her in places no child should touch their parent.This book describes the parent who goes beyond normal (Narcissist)to their child that uses guilt to scare the child to the point they are insecure even when they become adults. This book addresses abuse emotionally, physical, mental, sexual and I might add financial my mother used on me and my siblings. My mother used religion Jehovah Wittiness as guilt and this instilled a fear that we would be destroyed at Armageddon if we didn’t do what she say. I decide before I read this book to do NC(No Contact) If you’re not sure even as adult if your parents are toxic you need to read this book. You have options how to deal with toxic parents and still have a life. If you’re ready to change things in your life and take control this is the book to help you. I know that Ms. Forward wasn’t in my home to write this book but this book hits home on so many levels. You would think the hard part of not have No Contact is getting away from the abuse of my mother but it wasn’t. It was the relatives who didn’t know what my mother was doing to us who felt because this was my mother that I needed to forgive her and get the hatred out my heart to feel better. One relative ask how could I do this to my own mother since she was the one who gave me life? I don’t share my story anymore because this raises a debate and most people tell me I got to forgive and move on. What my mother did to me, no mother who loves their child would never do. The scars of the abuse may be a lifetime and you may not fully heal but this book can help with therapy. As long as no one knew about the abuse everything was fine. When I got out and started talking to family and friends about the abuse my mother started sending her flying monkeys-you have to read the book as to who are the “Flying Monkeys” and how they can affect your decision on how to deal with a toxic parent. This book didn’t miss a beat. Thank you Ms. Foward!

⭐I had high hopes for this book from the reviews and the title. I was looking for a book to help me move forward, having realised (finally) just how toxic my parents are and how they have impacted my life. I was looking for something to help me make a new life, break the cycle and start living the life I’ve wanted. The title seems to offer all that.Half of the book is about describing various types of toxic parents and their impact. Now my parents are quite subtle in their toxicity, it is well hidden – but nevertheless they are toxic. I could not find a good match to the issues that I have with my parents. This isn’t great when it has taken years of friends and counsellors helping you see the impact they have on you and you’re constancy doubting how bad are they really? Then read a book that almost implies they aren’t toxic after all. The check lists given – I could relate to far less than the author suggested I should do if I truly have toxic parents. Again not good, I found myself doubting if I really was just making things up in my head.Worst of all is the issues it raised in my head as a parent myself. Bear in mind, like many in similar situations I’m sure, I was seeking a book that showed me how to be a better parent than I had had myself. I wanted to find a way to break the cycle of emotional detachment and denials. A way to be more supportive as a parent, despite having had a rubbish example set for me. Because I believe that we all worry that we will continue that behaviour, as we know it is a risk and we don’t know how else to do things. However, there is very little in this book about how to break the cycle and parenting your own children. At the very end there is 9 pages of anecdotal stories of people who realised they were continuing the legacy with their own children and a very brief description of how each decided to change – no real practical advice. Most upsetting though was that the checklists that I mentioned earlier – when you are paranoid that you are a bad parent it could be all to easy to think that you yourself check many of this list! But without any reassurance that 1) this is typical of the victims of toxic parents themselves – they both can follow their parents patterns or they just worry excessively that they will.2) there is hope that you can break the cycle and find new ways to parent.As a result of all this, I found that I felt very miserable after reading this book. I felt I was failing my children, had no idea how to do things better and that my parents weren’t even that toxic – but I clearly was! So not great for a self help book! It is not that I’m in denial of my own issues, I don’t think I’m a perfect parent by any means – heck I was actually looking for advise on how to be better! But this book got close to undoing a lot of counselling.Maybe this book is good if you have yet to have children and want to fix yourself before you do, but I would advise those with children already to steer clear.Likewise if you’ve already realised how toxic your parents are and the impact they’ve had on your life, you may find the first half of the book surplus to requirements.

⭐Having had a violent upbringing I grew up with a need to understand how,why. Your parents should protect you not assault you,they should nourish you,not starve you,love and cherish you,not treat you with contempt and hatred. This book is an excellent source for someone in my situation,its helps me to ‘understand’ a bit more about their way of thinking,their reasoning,it helped me to realise I wasn’t to blame,there was nothing my siblings or I could have done to prevent their behaviour. I realised the unhappiness they bore and although I will never forgive or forget I have,with the knowledge this book has helps me gain,manages to put my past right where it belongs,in the past! Excellent well written book with a sound and educated base.i have read and re-read it. Well worth the price.

⭐A psychologist friend recommended this and I was sceptical what with a sensationally negative title. But it’s a life changing book. The key premise that stunned me is not forgiving and allowing anger to emerge. This goes against the grain of so much advice, but since decades of forgiveness failed and I found myself back to minus square one, I was ready to embrace this. She gives very detailed analysis and advice, including how to deal with elderly parents.

⭐This has been an amazing book ,it offers many tools and covers an umbrella of issues . Whilst sharing invaluable case studies and insight the author manages to gently guide the reader through each part. She manages to also soothe through the difficult bits somehow providing methods and tools in the process. I feel like I’ve had 6 months worth of therapy all in one book !I will most definitely be using some of the tools here but also feel empowered to explore ideas and strategies with a counsellor or therapist in the future .Thank you Susan xxxGood luck to all the kids that need this book xxx much love and peace xxx

⭐Definately a good read, it really answers some questions for me.My parents were always fighting and they got divorced then got back together over the years. Even now they are re-married but CONSTANTLY fighting.My mum always uses me as a pawn, even as a kid she would tell me every sordid detail of the affairs and the fights. I have since grown up with almost no emotion its wierd.I cant afford a therapist so this is a good start

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