Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein (Epub)

Description

A generation gap has emerged between parents and their girls. Even in this age of helicopter parenting, the mothers and fathers of tomorrow’s women have little idea what their daughters are up to sexually or how they feel about it. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.

While the media has focused—often to sensational effect—on the rise of casual sex and the prevalence of rape on campus, in Girls and Sex Peggy Orenstein brings much more to the table. She examines the ways in which porn and all its sexual myths have seeped into young people’s lives; what it means to be the “the perfect slut” and why many girls scorn virginity; the complicated terrain of hookup culture and the unfortunate realities surrounding assault. In Orenstein’s hands these issues are never reduced to simplistic “truths;” rather, her powerful reporting opens up a dialogue on a potent, often silent, subtext of American life today—giving readers comprehensive and in-depth information with which to understand, and navigate, this complicated new world.

User’s Reviews

Review “Provocative and thoughtful…. Both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it…. The breadth of Orenstein’s reporting … is impressive.” — Laura Stepp, Washington Post“Nonsensational but deeply entertaining…. A must-read.” — People, Book of the Week“An honest and thoughtful exploration…. It would be easy to pigeonhole Girls & Sex as essential reading only for parents of female teens or preteens…. [But] this book is for anyone who cares for a girl approaching womanhood.” — Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation“A nuanced read for anyone who remembers being a young woman and anyone who is raising the next generation of girls (and boys) for whom we hope the future holds sexual satisfaction, not pain or disappointment.” — Rebecca Traister, More“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” — Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon“Thought-provoking. . .Girls & Sex is full of thoughtful concern and empathetic questions.” — Cindi Leive, New York Times Book Review, cover review“I’m not going to tell you to go right now and buy a copy…. I’m going to tell you to buy two copies: One for yourself, and one for the teenager in your life…. Refuses to be judgmental or doom and gloom. Instead, it offers something else — a demand for education, enlightenment, and ultimately, the radical notion of equal satisfaction.” — Adrian Liang, Amazon Best Book of the Month citation“Girls & Sex should be mandatory for anyone who cares about the present and future cultural landscape for girls, women, humans. I seriously want to quit my job and tour the country, furiously hawking Peggy Orenstein’s insightful, important book.” — Rashida Jones, actress, writer, producer“[An] important new book…. Her writing is clear and compelling, her analysis is incisive and thorough, and her findings are downright troubling.” — Sharon Holbrook, Washington Post“Fascinating…. A wise and sharply argued look at how girls are navigating ‘the complicated new landscape’ of sex and sexuality.” — Economist

Reviews from Amazon users, collected at the time the book is getting published on UniedVRG. It can be related to shiping or paper quality instead of the book content:

⭐ I thought this book was going to be good but I was really disappointed in the quality of research. The sample size is ridiculously small and what is even more annoying is that the college age girls she spoke to are all or nearly all in sororities, which makes it even less relevant to a larger population, assuming as I do but without concrete data, that most college girls are not in sororities. There are some important topics discussed and need more attention–e.g. preteens and early teen girls who give oral sex without batting an eye who think they are virgins. So sad to think of so many girls being used and as the author notes, the boys ask for it as if it’s no big thing. Also, I found the author’s habit of describing what each girl looks like as a distraction and make this book even more tabloid-like. I know she’s a journalist and not a psychologist so I didn’t expect it to be deep in theory but the sample size issue and the abundance of sorority girls and the description of the girls’ hair styles and color only added to the tabloid factor.

⭐ Water on the floor may be a sign of a leak in the roof. Those who stare at the floor and complain about the water may say many true things and make many sound observations, and even some helpful suggestions about dealing with the puddle, but in the end are missing something essential. Peggy Orenstein’s book examines the current puddle of adolescent girls’ sexual practices, at least among the middle/upper middle class girls who predominate in her interviews.I listened to the Author’s reading on 6 compact discs, which was clear and well-paced, but with an almost-calculated quality. No one knows more about the puddle than she! A veteran of the Sexual Revolution herself who now has a teen-aged daughter of her own, she interviewed over seventy girls from college and high school who responded to an invitation to discuss these matters, and she read some studies. She begins with a survey of the “hook-up” culture, wherein sexual experiences precede relationships. These experiences may simply be “grinding” on the dance floor, or oral sex, or intercourse. Surveys report something like 10% of middle school girls, 40-50% of high school girls and 75% of college women having had “sex.” A significant number report some of the experiences as regretted, a majority reporting that the way in which they gave up their virginity was a disappointment (or worse). About half of the above report experiences that may qualify as rape: I say “may” because the respondents themselves are confused in their own minds and do not always accept the legal definitions. Our Author notes the role of alcohol in obscuring boundaries and excusing the participants from responsibility for what happens. I am not sure of her theory here, that girls drink in order to excuse themselves from responsibility for their choices; I believe it is part of the adventure, part of the ritual, and, in part, an anesthetic.In all the conversations reported, not one mentions girls who became pregnant and subsequently had an abortion, or gave birth. These topics were mentioned in passing, usually as possibilities or perhaps a statistic, but not in any of the “portraits,” descriptions of interviewees and dialog which are the strength of this book, putting human faces on the experiences reported. The real focus of concern is the distressing fact that 4 times as many boys as girls report satisfaction with their sexual encounters. She contends that education is needed so girls may understand how their bodies work and advocate for their own pleasure in all this. It is interesting that boys appear able to achieve satisfaction without such specialized education.The reported experience of lesbian girls is much more positive in this regard, and the achievement and acceptance of alternate sexual identities is advocated. But as a true feminist, our Author is uncomfortable with the trendiness of transgenderism, based as it is on cultural stereotypes of what it means to be male/female. She reports the family which recognized their infant son as really a girl because it preferred the pink blanket to the blue blanket at 4 months. Our Author dryly notes that infants cannot distinguish color at that that age. Our Author does not approve of hypersexualization but cannot really explain why. Miley Cyrus is shocking, but maybe that is not so bad. Expressing oneself is a good thing, after all ( unless you are a male remarking on her legs). Our Author recognizes provocative words but not provocative clothing.She does not approve of restricting girls’ freedom, unless they make the wrong choices, then they need education. She objects that left “on their own” teens develop a culture that pressures girls to sexual performance for others rather than satisfaction for themselves. She blames a lot on the entertainment media (and recognizes too late that Tipper Gore was right) for molding expectations of girls. However, our Author appears to regard hyperfemininity as a greater evil than hypersexuality. This is one of those wrong choices that require education.If you are a social conservative, prepare for some disdain in the course of this read. She scorns abstinence education and all the government money spent on teaching things that “aren’t true.” She notes the relatively high pay a particular abstinence advocate receives, but not that of the California masturbation advocate who is described in terms reminiscent of a folk hero. She backhandedly acknowledges that the cultural investment of mothers in guiding/supervising kids, i.,e., staying home until children left the home, had an effect in discouraging sexual activity among them, but is not going there. She advocates Fathers involved but objects to patriarchy; apparently fathers are to support their children in whatever they want to do, regardless. She declares that virginity and purity have no markers that are not arbitrary, and their only function is to cause shame. The same might be said of “age of consent” laws/assumptions, but again, she is not going there.Our Author “discovers” the ambiguity of sexuality but doesn’t know what to do about it. Many of her interviewees report dressing provocatively and feeling good about it until something, perhaps a change of mood, or rude remark, causes her great embarrassment. The college campus “walk of shame” is described, as when girls glammed up go to a fraternity party, walk home after spending the night there the next morning, seen in evening clothes by everyone who knows they got drunk and knocked up. Many of her subjects report being blamed for being a prude and for being a slut. Her conversations with groups of kids reveal deep disagreements and confusion about what constitutes consent, which goes to the heart of ambiguity, and whether the conscious choice to seek sexual experience, subject oneself to peer pressure, drink illegally/irresponsibly, etc. has anything to do with meaningful consent.I was fascinated in retrospect by the overall 1960’s shape to our Author’s thinking. Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir’s comment on the 1967 Haight Ashbury “Summer of Love” is strikingly applicable to our Author’s views of sex in this book: ” It was about exploration, finding new ways of expression, being aware of one’s existence.” Elements of her thinking include: 1) individual choice (autonomy) trumps conformity to a standard; 2) technology changes everything, enabling more choice, more autonomy, and therefore progress; 3) youth conditioned and at home with the new technology are more attuned to progress and are the authorities whose lead we should (or can’t help but) follow. Given these beliefs, parents and conservatives are regarded as obstacles to progress.Among her helpful suggestions, embedded among others which guarantee rejection by social conservatives, is decision-making skills. These skills are applicable to all areas of life- identifying what is at stake, what values are at play, what alternatives are, and cost/benefit analysis. That these should be applied to sexual decisions as well as to any other significant decision, goes without saying. Communication skills, distinguishing between passive, assertive, and aggressive modes of responding to others, is another helpful measure toward addressing the problem. (These are already mandated in some form or another in most state curricula, but teaching them effectively is the challenge.)So, what does our Author not “get”? First, she is indifferent to several dysfunctional aspects of adolescent behavior. First is dishonesty- lying to parents, refusal to be accountable to authority. Our Author actually celebrates acts of defiance, the “slutwalks,” etc., as praiseworthy. Deliberate evasion of law in alcohol use by minors is passed over. Drug use also is passed over for moral condemnation. It is not only in matters of sex that adolescents lack restraint. Related is the often uncritical acceptance of peer influence. While “society” may be condemned for its stereotypes, and consumerism responsible for sexual exploitation of women’s bodies, the hook-up culture is not condemned, but accepted as a given to which we (our children and our policy) must adapt.Perhaps the most fundamental point of disagreement, is in the Author’s sundering of the connection between sex and reproduction. Just as food is pleasurable but this pleasure needs to be subordinate to nutrition, so sex has as its purpose human reproduction. Traditional families provide the best homes for children in public health studies (whether measured by birth weight, academic achievement, self-esteem, economic standing, reported happiness, suicide rate, etc.), so there is more than ample grounds for regarding this as the normative model for public policy.A strange lacuna in this discussion of adolescent sex is the matter of risk-taking. This is what makes the hook-up culture exciting, the fact that there is risk. The predominant philosophy for educators in general and feminists like our Author, is to affirm risk-taking. This, along with that defiance of authority which our Author also implicitly endorses, leads directly into the sorry state of sexual inequality and dissatisfaction bemoaned in this book.Although one of her interviewees states that sex is about the most personal thing there is, the implications of this insight are not worked out. Since sex is so personal, it ought to be shared only with those whom one can trust, one you can communicate with, one who you have influence over. In fact, it tends toward monogamy. Flaunting one’s sexuality is so contrary to this, inviting strangers to appraise and judge. It involves the thrill of risk-taking, which turns on the ambiguity of sex both socially and personally. This private nature of sex, and the dysfunctional practice of making the private public, is another aspect overlooked by our Author. Our Author is shocked to see the pattern emerge whereby once a girl has had sex with a guy, she is expected to continue consenting there after. What she does not realize is that sex is not a discreet act so much as a relationship. Just as gifts create relationship of mutual obligation between people (and why you should not accept gifts from strangers), so sex creates intimacy and familiarity which is not easily withdrawn. Our Author reports a kind of monogamy emerging within this hook-up culture whereby feelings of possessiveness and their social accommodation restrict the freedom of girls to be available to others.The final point which our Author doesn’t get is that boys and girls, men and women, are different. Males are much more visual and respond to provocative clothing; females enjoy attention and do that which gets attention. According to her own reporting, the girls are concerned to please their partners, while the boys are out to please themselves. What she fails to acknowledge is the greater need boys have which gave rise to the social expectation that women control (“civilize”) their men. An old saying is that women trade sex for love. In the hook-up culture, created by segregating adolescents and allowing them to structure their own interactions, women are the losers, as documented by our Author’s own findings. She has identified the puddle, but has no clue how to fix the leak.

⭐ As a grandfather, totally out of touch with the world of girls today, I read this book to find out what sort of world my three granddaughters are getting themselves into. It’s a nightmare world. 10% of girls get violently raped, 25% get taken advantage of while drunk. Possibly even worse is that love and care seem almost to have disappeared as concepts. Sex is mostly about “hooking up.” I trust my grandkids and their wonderful parents to manage this wilderness somehow, but I have some major questions for society. First, I certainly agree with the author that the most immediate and important thing is to give girls more control of their lives and feelings. The awful old pressures to conform, go along, do what boys/men want, and be passive and docile appear to be actually worse than in the 1950s when I was this age. They certainly aren’t any better. Second, I also agree that one very important thing is to teach girls how to do sex right–to make it safe, enjoyable, and emotionally satisfying–which it apparently almost never is, today. We in the 1950s were utterly unprepared for sex and didn’t have a clue how to enjoy it when we finally managed–it was supposed to be “fun,” that was all. Apparently things are actually even worse now: the kids learn from porn, which is truly worse than nothing, for reasons covered with great explicitness in this book. Third, and this is not really stressed enough in the book, we have to do something about pop culture and the pressures on kids to conform to it and take all their standards and orientations from it. It is teaching the worst possible lessons–and not just the porn. Fourth, we have to stop glorifying the most unnatural: totally shaved bodies, plastic surgery, all sorts of piercings and so on, anything to make the body look like a pathology textbook rather than a human being. How is a girl going to have a decent love life if she thinks her body is so repulsive that she has to do all these things to it? Some pretty graphic details of hating nature are in the book (I spare the reader here).A lot of girls are simply swearing off sex. University surveys known to me have revealed figures in the range of 20 minutes a day for “romantic activities.” (Versus 7 to 8 hours for classes and studies.) So it seems like the alternative to partying is nothing, or nearly nothing. I hope this is wrong….We as a society really have to go against the pop trash, whether it’s porn, gangsta rap, other pop music, or the other horrors these days, and get the message to the kids (boys as well as girls) that sex is about love and relationships, AND can be a lot of fun, but it can’t be done by conformity, least of all with porn–it has to be developed as an art in itself.

⭐ I have read articles by Peggy Orenstein and know her to be a highly intelligent, thought provoking and well informed author. I assumed this book would be great, and was waiting to purchase it until I thought it would be of value for my daughter to read as well. So that time has come. The message of the book is quite simple. Women In other spheres of life are used to being assertive and treated as equals. Not so in teen hookup culture. She describes a world of horny boys who are not yet mature enough to care a hoot if their female counterparts are comfortable either physically or psychologically. In addition, the typical girl she interviewed would rather just give the blowjob the teen boy feels entitled to rather than create awkwardness or disappointment, in stark contrast to what society portrays as the ideal assertiveness in the modern girl—for some reason this assertiveness doesn’t seem to carry over to these matters. Ms. Orenstein feels that this should be actively taught, with an emphasis on actually acknowledging that women are entitled to receive pleasure from sexual activity as well as men. She makes the case that the money spent in the US on abstinence education has nothing to show for it, and is contrasted by the sex ed program in the Netherlands, which fosters an adolescent’s sexual awakening in the context of connection to parents, teachers, and committed partners, vs the American assumption that sexual awakening must be an act of rebellion conducted by sneaking around. She highlights a particular education program that helps teens practice different complicated scenarios involving possible sexual pressure, so they can practice their responses.

⭐ A game changing, must-read for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and anyone who has relationships with young people navigating today’s world of sex. Teens and young adults are facing a new uncharted world with regards to sex – a world which is dominated by the internet and its emphasis on texting, and selfies, and the fantasies driven by online porn and the Kardashians. On some level, all of the sexual liberation which arrived in the sixties, which helped women to become supposed sexual equals to men can now work against today’s young women. I acknowledge that some of the stories may be anecdotal, and Orenstein does, too. Unfortunately my experience in the workplace and amongst my friends, is that the stories are the tip of the iceberg for many young women. And let’s remember – meaningless and degrading sex is bad for both men and women.In addition to exploring the real issues that face our teens and young adults, Orenstein offers example of meaningful alternatives to the post sixties style of parenting. She examines parenting styles in Norway, where in addition to open discussions about the mechanics of sex, parents are providing real guidance to achieving a healthy and mature approach to the emotional aspects of sexuality.In our effort to be good parents, we are standing side by side with our kids on education, and in all of the arenas that help them to maximize their potential. Unfortunately, we sometimes abandon them at the door of their burgeoning sexuality as they head off to college. We tacitly approve of pre-marital sex, and provide education on birth control in hopes that they will evolve into mature adults who enjoy sex. Orenstein is helping us to understand that just as we drove them to soccer and dance lessons, they need coaching and guidance to move from puberty to emotionally fulfilled sexual beings. The process to achieve maturity with regards to sexuality needs to be discussed openly, and with the same dedication we provided to college applications and prom dresses.

⭐ If you are over 30 you really should read this book because you have no idea what young people are doing. If you are under 30 you should read it as well just to see what you’re in for. This book is an eye-opener and anybody who has kids or grandkids needs to know what’s happening in today’s sexual scene. As a bonus, the book is wonderfully written and a very easy read. Kudos to the author!!

⭐ Growing up in a household with an strong minded and accomplished mom I guess I was trained from an early age to honor a woman’s equal role in a relationship. Therefore, I was a bit taken aback by how stark the sex scene seems to be according to Orenstein. Like any parent who fears for her young, I guess even she can’t help but to try to scare the hell out of her readers. No you might not get aids the first time you have sex and no you won’t grow hair on your hands from masturbating but you likely will get slut-shamed and hook up culture is synonymous with rape culture and the norm on college campuses. That’s not exactly what she’s saying but the first 7 chapters are filled with anecdotes about how almost all of her interviewees experienced unwanted sex and the shame and guilt that comes from that. She seems to imply that none of the women she interviewed, except one lesbian, ever had a fulfilling long-term intimate relationship. Out of 70 interviewees? Really? That seems a bit far-fetched. Maybe she’s reflecting on failed romances? I wonder if she interviewed these same women in 20 years and compared those that divorced v stayed married if the assessment would hold. Either way, the reader only gets to the practical, actionable and level headed approach to sex Ed and self actualization in chapter 8. The whole book is a worthwhile read but I might just skip to chapter 8 and read that aloud to my thirteen year old and consider myself light years ahead of most American parents (according to Orenstein).You are the author of this review

⭐ This book needs to be read by everyone with a teenager. EVERYONE. I wish I had thousands of copies to pass out. I have two daughters, one of whom is in high school. I can’t believe how much things have changed even though she’s only 20 years younger than I am. As parents we need to be as informed as possible about what is going on in our culture so that we can navigate parenting kids in this day and age. Read it; you will be sad, horrified, but also (hopefully) pushed to make changes. One issue I’ve had is with how my daughter dresses and whether I should ask her to tone it down which also has felt very body-negative. This book has really helped shine a light on this issue as well. I feel so much clearer and look forward to moving forward with this new information.

⭐ Every young person should read this book.If you’re a girl, this book will help you understand yourself and protect yourself.If you’re a guy, this book will both help you to be a gentleman and find a high-quality girl.I’ve not seen many works that go so deep into the millenial female’s mind on sex and dating. If you want to better understand the strengths, weaknesses, flaws and problems how our generation approaches sex, this book is a must read.One of the critical findings in this book is that women often seek to please a man, to at times great discomfort, without expecting anything in return. There is a lack of reciprocity in so many ‘casual encounters’. Why? The answer is not so straightforward, nor, I would conclude, well understood.There are many other critical findings, and questions raised. Having lived both in the US and abroad, I am painfully aware at the deficiencies in our sex ed programs that contribute to the US having some of the highest accidental pregnancy and STI rates in the developed world. Now I know why.Again: every sexually active person under 35, or any parent, in any western nation, should read this book. The knowledge is too valuable too ignore.

⭐ I have two boys who are still not teens so why the heck did I even read this? Mainly I wanted to know how the teen girl brain worked when it came to sex in this modern era. It’s been over 20 years since I was in high school and guess what? SO much has not changed! Girls still think their sexual parts are dirty and gross, and now there are more pressures due to social media. It is so sad, really. But, we can speak to our children differently than our parents did. Actually we don’t have the luxury not to speak to them about sex unless you want the internet teaching them what sex is all about. I sure don’t! This book helps with that conversation. And yes- we need to talk to both our boys and girls about all the messiness of sex and the pleasures too. Must Read!

Keywords

Free Download Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape in Epub format
Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Epub Free Download
Download Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape 2017 Epub Free
Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape 2017 Epub Free Download
Download Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape Epub
Free Download Ebook Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape