I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (PDF)

Description

Joshua Harris’s first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down…and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society’s norm.Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye. Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way? I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better—a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.

User’s Reviews

Editorial Reviews: About the Author Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he’s a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.

Reviews from Amazon users which were colected at the time this book was published on the website:

⭐The Book IKDG “a new attitude towards romance and relationship. Use to be the norm in society, if you go back to your Great-Grandparents or even Grandparents. These principles/ideologies that Harris writes about is most likely the way they “courted”. There was a time in society when purity was valued now a days in the words of Harris people look at sex as “scratching each others backs”. While time and most importantly the decay of society is to blame for this, espeically lowering standards/values, the sexual revolution, the drawing away form the church, immoral behavior becoming acceptable. Harris book doesn’t touch on those topics deeply but Harris does challenge you to question why you “date” and if it’s aligned with God’s word and his will. The book Made me question a lot of my own views on dating, a bit about me not to get of topic but I have dated/gone on dates with more women then i care to admit, I have had physical relations with more women then I care to admit, and now as I type this, I can say that it wasn’t worth it, Harris is right, all the time people use to date for their selfish reasons, could be time use to do God’s will and work. There things I agreed with and then there some I didn’t, here are some of the biggest things I agreed with.5 Things I Strongly agreed with1. What is your motive for dating–as a christian man, in my past I’ve mostly dated for the wrong reasons including sex and affection. I came from a home were I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle who neglected me. I always wanted “someone to love” and if it meant putting aside my own beliefs so be. What are the reasons you date? are they pure and aligned with Gods? as you can see my reasons weren’t in the best interest of God or even the girl but just my own needs.2. God’s will in your dating life–To often we don’t trust God in our dating life, and are impatient, If people read the word and continuously seek God’s will with dating it would make it better, this is easier said then done but if you make effort the spirit will strengthen you in your resolve, this is were prayer, having someone to pray with you, and continuously reading the word help!3. Friendship Before dating–In today’s world a lot of people don’t get to know each other, my relationships that lasted the longest are the ones were the girl and I refrained from escalating to quickly. I look at my relationships with friends and girlfriends. How come I’m not friends with any of my ex’s yet with some of my friends I’ve known them for years? Friendship that is genuine is the cornerstone for any successful relationship, especially one that is a friendship in Christ!4. Sexuality purity–I would be a hypocrite to say I have followed this myself to the fullest(I’m a big offender), but I agree with God’s word that you should wait before you for marriage before you “hit the sack”. The problem is in today’s society sex is always pushed in our faces. This one is one were if you serious about the lord, you have to pray. I’m struggling with this one on a daily basis!!!5.Character and Attitude– Harris list on what to look for once you ready for marriage is a great list. For instance look what a girl does with her time, I never taught about this concept. If you are about to marry a girl but all she does with her time is read gossip magazines and goes shopping, is this the type of girl you wanna marry? or marry a girl who helps volunteer at her church, spends time with her family and friends, goes to the gym to better herself and most of all spend time worshiping the lord?5 Things I didn’t agree with1. Courting method–Supposedly Harris addressed this in his second book “Boy meets girl” which I have not read it as I’m typing this. However I don’t agree with Harris saying that you should go to talk to the parents of the girl and say “I want to explore the possibility of marriage”, this puts to much pressure on the guy and the girl. I know Harris states you shouldn’t Court unless you ready for marriage but like other reviewers have stated what if you break up? in theory Harris makes a great point but in practice it’s not always that black and white2. Dating Vs Courting–I’m conflicted with this, because to me Harris is just trying to put a “pretty name” on dating by calling it Courting. I have dated many girls, just for “fun” or “courted” girls in the hope of it being more. I know what Harris meant, there is no fulfillment in just “dating” and “hooking up”. Harris views people who date for fun as selfish. Modern Dating isn’t working if it is then divorce wouldn’t be so high (I agree with Harris on this) however can old-fashion Courtship work? Dating in group settings, being friends with no romance etc. I’ll have to try this!3. Pressure of getting Married–Harris says you only should go out in group settings yet when I read the epilogue it sounds like he broke that rule himself. The problem I have with just Courting to get married is the notion that people don’t have realistic views when they enter a relationship, which in turn is a recipe for disaster. Think about it, you never dated or courted. The first girl/guy you ever court you get married too, I know everyone is different but for myself I was a “hopeless” romantic just like Harris. I didn’t have backbone when it came to women because I wanted “love” (or better yet sex) so bad, I didn’t have respect for myself so how could I respect a woman? especially one of Christ?. It took getting my heartbroken numerous times and learning social skills for me to become mature with the opposite sex, however I still lack spiritual maturity. A lot of Christians lack social skills, and the pressure to get married right away isn’t gonna fix that. Instead i do agree hang out with a group/social circle, become a man of social savvy.4. Denying your feelings– Harris makes it sound bad that if people discuss their feelings for each other their moving to fast. In page 192 he says “don’t take things into your own hands by flirting or dropping hints about your romantic feelings” on page 199 he then endorses a list that says and I quote “Discuss feelings, concerns, visions, hopes, dreams, learn each others basic convictions” while I agree with the list on page 199, I don’t agree with Harris saying you shouldn’t be obvious with your romantic feelings. Attraction just doesn’t work like that, and in essence your still playing “the game”. This is why “Courtship” the way Harris views can be complicated. I did hear he addressed this issue in “Boy meets girl”. Personally I rather be upfront and honest with a girl because I’ve been on the other hand of the short stick, were I felt “lead on” it’s not a cool feeling5. Dating is viewed as bad–Harris states he doesn’t think dating is a bad, but the undertones are clear that he does (him using courtship repeatably) Harris fails to mention that dating can be great as well, it can bring people closer together and strengthen faith. This is what true dating of faith is suppose to do,if you put God in the forefront! To me dating to get married and Courtship are the same thing.Overall this book is a great book, I agree with many it’s a great starting point, there’s stuff I never taught about and stuff I don’t agree with but this book made me think. As I read this I made sure I read it with an open mind and heart, I hope you do the same.4.

⭐Reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was younger, I was inspired to stop looking for a relationship until I was ready or could even fathom marriage. Being young, I decided to swear off boys until I was more mature and I knew that the time was right for me. Re reading this book five years later opened my eyes to what courtship is truly about. This book helped me to realize that staying pure is a war that must be fought daily, but the reward is worth this struggle. The meaning, to me, meant that a courtship has to be mutually agreed upon between two people and that dating is not the way that God intended a relationship to bloom from. I also believe that God can use regular relationships for his glory, but a courtship is more biblical than secular dating is. One strength of the book is that the context and message is easy to follow and is not too complex even for those new in faith like myself. Also, Harris describes scenarios to make them vivid, powerful, and meaningful to anyone. I can still picture the scene he described about how on your wedding day that you technically marry all the people who have a piece of your spouse’s heart. A weakness of the book are that Harris believes that his method of courtship is the best way to be in a relationship. Because of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I learned that like in all interpersonal communication, dating/ courtship relationships are messy and complex. Relationships and courtships take an abundance of effort to maintain because both people have to be committed to the cause of purity and want in the relationship like the book says. The quality of this book is great because the words are not from Harris, but they are from God and I would recommend this book to anyone who is searching or questioning purity as a Christian or non-believer. No, this book is not perfect, but the message is a start for anyone who is lost or confused about dating or courtships. Even if you are not searching, I would recommend this book just to gain a new perspective on secular dating and how a courtship works. Overall, this is a great book that anyone can read and get something out of.

⭐I’m 23 and single. And saying I’m single is weird for me, because I have nothing to compare it to. I’ve never been in a relationship in any shape or form. I’ve done as much with boys in my whole life as I did at 4 years old (giving winks on the playground lol). And you don’t say you’re single at 4 years old. You just say…I am 4 years old (lol). Romance is so foreign to me but heartbreak is not. I’ve been disappointed by plenty of hopeful encounters that just turned into friendly or brother-sister kind of relationships. I’ve dreamed it all and done nothing folks. But when I found and read this book one day in New York. My mind split right open, because it felt like he had been in it. He covers it all. He didn’t leave one ounce of my heart soul or mind out. I felt like being single and saved was not just this cool thing that you did at church and left at the pew on a Saturday night. It is a real, possible 24/7 thing you can do heart, mind, and soul. How many people believe this? I didn’t. I was pure physically, but every other area was contaminated, And that’s where Christ comes in. Kissing Dating Goodbye is not a cult folks. It is a miraculous gift that is only God given. It can’t be forced upon or ritualized. It is the Holy Spirit that moves and conquers these almost impossible mountains in the age of our culture and time. Because of my renewed foundation in Christ, I am daily walking in 24/7 purity, not by my might. But God’s alone. And because miracles exist, I am daily falling for an invisible man who’s face I’ve never seen and who’s heart I consistently grow to know. Who died and rose again 2,000 years before I was born. And lives in a Kingdom I’ve never seen yet lives in me. IF that’s not a miracle. I don’t know WHAT is!

⭐This takes u back to the God-fearing days where a man and a woman will not even touch each other until their marriage day. This book helps you lean on God with our feelings and dealings with the opposite sex. Yet, it tells singles: ‘Don’t stir up love, until the proper time’ UNTIL GOD HAS CONFIRMED the one for us.THEN, we can pursue a relationship commitment.

⭐I actually didn’t finish the book because I had already read a very similar Christian dating book with similar principles. Nonetheless I give it a high score because for the chapters I did read I do feel that it was a good read and good teaching

⭐It’s deep. It’s about changing the way we approach dating and how we view the person we’re in a relationship with. I would highlight that this book is aimed at Christians, or anyone with a similar view.

⭐Great book, even if you don’t agree with everything he says, it’s great to look at another perspective. I believe one of my friends is borrowing it at the moment

⭐I read this many years ago, as it as recommended to me by other girls in the church. I loved the easy to read style, his story is genuine and is a great example. I remember this book did have a great positive impact on me so I recommend it. It helped me further my decision to stand and wait for what God to offer. In the end, years later, I did find – just like Joshua – the right partner – the one I was meant to be with – the one who is my daily blessing. I thank God for this. Well done Joshua.

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